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Kyle briefly closes his eyes before looking at me. "Why do you always do that?"
"Do what?"
"See the worst in yourself?"
I blink slowly, shocked by his question. Shouldn't he be yelling at me? Or breaking up with me? Or anything other than what he's doing right now?
"I ruin everything." My heart breaks as the words leave my mouth.
I ruined my friendship with Matt.
I ruined my relationship with Diane.
I ruined the trust Mom had in me. Not that she had much to begin with.
I ruined the only good thing I had going for me: Kyle.
He reaches out, takes my hand in his and twines our fingers together. We both stare down at our locked hands, memorizing the feel of his fingers laced with mine, the warmth of his palm, the way his racing heartbeat pulses along my wrist. Is this the last time he'll ever hold my hand?
"I love you so much, Kyle," I choke out. "I understand if you don't want to be together anymore."
His head snaps up. "I never said that."
"You don't have to. Why would you stay with me after what I've done?"
"You think I'm going to break up with you because Matt kissed you?" His fingers grip mine tighter.
I nod my head. "Why would you stay with me?"
"For so many reasons," he answers. "You spend your Saturdays sitting in a stuffy room with my mom while she sleeps the whole time. You befriended Audra when you didn't have to. You gave her a place to stay when she was lonely. You're the first person I've ever trusted enough to open up to about my mom. And when Matt was sad, you comforted him even after all that shit he said to you. You care about people, Jenny. Where you see the worst in yourself, I only see the best."
"But Mom said—"
"No," he interrupts. "I don't care what your mom said. I love you and nothing you or your mom can say is going to change that."
I sniff back a nose full of snot and wipe my face with my arm, my hand still safely sheltered in his. "You said you were mad."
"I am," he clears his throat. "I want to bash Matt's face in."
I laugh through the tears. "Don't do that. He's just sad. Like me. Like my mom. Like everyone is."
"I need to know," the tone of Kyle's voice is serious. "Do you still have feelings for Matt?"
Do I? I did liken his kiss to one that reminds me of my grandma. So, no, I guess I don't.
"I don't have romantic feelings for him," I tell Kyle honestly. "But I can't erase eight years of friendship overnight."
"I don't expect you to," Kyle assures me. "I think for the time being, it's best if you're not alone in a room with him."
I exhale heavily. "I agree."
"And that's why I'll be coming home with you every Saturday."
Home.
He's going to come home.
Every Saturday.
