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I let my eyes fall to her lips, letting her know what I was about to do, letting her have an out if she really wanted it. Then, I slanted my mouth across hers, took her lips, tasting and nipping, then swirling my tongue deep inside her mouth the first chance she gave me access. My arm snaked around her waist, bringing her to me, pressing her soft perky breasts against my chest and molding her hips against mine.
If there wasn't a little boy sleeping just down the hall, I would've led her to the couch, but at that moment, I knew I was lucky just to have this embrace—to hear the moan escaping her mouth as I tasted her, wishing I could brand myself with that flavor, somehow walk around with it all the time and have access to it whenever I wanted.
A pool of desire in the bottom of my gut just clutched at me even tighter as she kissed me back, her tongue dueling with mine in a dance as old as time.
I knew she felt my erection pressed against her, but I didn't care. Let her know just how badly I wanted her, that whatever went down between us months ago obviously wasn't over. I was exhausted from trying to figure out feelings and futures and circumstances. Now, I just wanted to revel in the comfort and warmth of this woman and follow my body blithely in what the more intellectual part of me knew was sure to be a world of trouble.
Her fingers clutched my T-shirt, bringing me closer. The excitement caused my cock was dizzying, but just as she was about to pull me closer, she pushed me away, breaking our kiss. Her hand went to her mouth, as if I had branded her, just like I had wanted to be just moments before.
She stepped back quickly, reaching blindly for her bag and keeping her eyes away from mine. "I'm sorry, Adam. I'm sorry, I just can't," she said, meeting my eyes briefly once more and then turning and making a beeline for my front door.
"Reagan, Reagan, come on. Let's talk about this."
She wheeled on me then. "There's nothing to talk about, Adam. You and I both know that. It's just all this togetherness…that's all it is," she insisted stubbornly.
Her denial of the situation wasn't unexpected, but it still felt like a bucket of ice water had just been thrown in my face. "Oh, I see, that's how you're going to play it."
"Play what?" she asked, incensed. And then, she added, "I don't play games, Adam, you know that."
"No, I don't know that," I said fiercely in hushed tones, not wanting to wake up Wolfie. "It seems to me that this has been one big game for you."
"How the hell can you say that?"
"How the hell could I not? You keep doing this back-and-forth with me, trying to make excuses and tell me it's nothing when you know that that's bullshit," I hissed at her. "You know what? If you want to lie to me, fine. I might even be able to understand that…eventually. But you never struck me as somebody who lies to yourself so easily."
Her eyes narrowed at me then. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"No? Can you really tell me that you haven't thought about us since our night together? Can you honestly say that you don't feel what's going on between us?"
She looked at me with an icy expression, and yet, as cold as her features were, there was an inferno of emotions going on in those bright eyes of hers.
Come on, Reagan. Fight me, argue with me. Let it all out.
But my wish would be denied. She pressed her lips together and growled out, "Good night, Adam." Then, she was gone, the taste of her still on my lips, and the sharp stab of her denial piercing my gut.
Chapter ten
Reagan
I didn't quite remember all the details about how I got home. I knew I called for a taxi, and I'd been grateful that the driver was quiet the whole way. I wasn't fit to be conversing with anyone. On the other hand, the silence left my brain to replay that kiss with Adam over and over again.
The whole day had seemed like some random fever dream compared to what my life usually was. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy my life. I actually loved the hell out of my life. But my day with Adam and Wolfie felt like I had stepped into this whole other world—a world that wasn't controlled by cases and briefs. A world that had more to it than numbers of wins and losses and binging reality TV in the evenings.
I didn't like being the sort of person who longed for something that other people had. I figured that if it was meant for me, then it would come to me in my own good time. At least, that's what I told myself when I saw Lucy so happy with her husband and my dad and Amy with their little family.
I loved that my friends and my father were so happy. But I guessed if I had to really be honest, there had been some envy.
My father had been a fantastic father growing up. Once he and my mom split up, he'd even put dating on hold because he was afraid of how it would affect me. I was the sole priority for the longest time. Once I'd gotten used to the idea that he was with Amy, I was relieved by the fact that he had somebody to share his life with, even if she was one of my best friends. That had taken some getting used to, but I was glad he found that happiness.
My mom, on the other hand, had found that "happiness" a few times. I wasn't sure my mom actually knew what she wanted, but she was definitely in love with the idea of love— hence, the multiple marriages. She was a woman who had been constantly searching, and I guess that's why she stepped out on my dad in the first place. She was always looking for something bigger, brighter, faster.
I loved my mom, I did, but even at a young age, I could see that she had a dysfunctional relationship with herself and with love. Maybe that's why I hadn't pushed too hard on relationships for myself.
Brian had been a bit of an experiment, to be truthful. He checked all the boxes, and part of me thought that if I couldn't make it work with him, then maybe love just wasn't meant for me.
But even though he and I had crashed and burned, I still found myself with this longing.
And Adam Rollins didn't check any of my boxes, for God's sake. He was immature, we constantly argued… and yet, I had been having fun with him and not just from that one time in bed together.
