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“Creeps me out to know, since he is my father. But on the other hand, he’s not really. Fudge, this is complicated ...” She poked the inside of her cheek with her tongue. “I can see you being attracted to a guy who takes charge to give you pleasure.”
“Really?” My brows rose. “Why?”
“You have survivor’s guilt.” Her lips pursed. “You deny yourself almost everything that could potentially make you happy, except for dance.”
“No, I don’t ...”
She gave me an arch look.
“Okay.” I sighed. “Maybe I do.”
I shrank down in my seat. I did feel guilty. I just hadn’t realized how noticeable it was.
“You have nightmares and panic attacks,” she said, reminding me unnecessarily. More reasons why Champion and I could never work for real. “Except, significantly, you mentioned not having any of those on the island when you were with him.”
She was right. I slept soundly in his arms, even last night, though I’d only dozed a little.
“Dancing is the only thing that makes you forget how sad you are,” she said, continuing to paint my world accurately in somber tones. “But that’s work. So is the choreography you do for me and the other girls. What else is there in your life that feeds your heart and fires your soul?”
She shook her head at me when I didn’t answer.
“You,” I said softly as she steered Bertha into our not-so-welcoming apartment complex. “You’re good for me. You make my heart and my soul happy. You and Mr. Smooches.”
“I love you, El.” Her tone lightened. “You make me happy too. Even though I’m still irritated with you right now, I’m glad that we found each other in that line at the women’s shelter.”
“Me too.” If dance was my solace, Ally’s friendship was my sanctuary.
“I’m proud that we both got our lives back on track together.” She aimed the vehicle toward an empty parking space. “And because I love you, I’m going to give it to you straight.”
“What?” I asked.
“Something you might not want to hear.”
Pulling in a breath, I braced myself.
“You need to go on with your life.” She shut off the engine and gave me a sharp look. “Your life can’t end because theirs did. They wouldn’t want that for you. They wouldn’t want you to merely exist like you’re doing. I don’t want you doing that anymore either.”
“What does this have to do with Champion?” I asked.
“Everything.” She unfastened her seat belt and swiveled to face me.
“It was just a hookup,” I said, since her giving-it-to-me-straight expression scared me.
“Don’t lie to me. Or yourself.” Her brow furrowed. “A hookup wouldn’t make you this sad, or so scared that you ran away from him. Twice.”
I couldn’t argue with her logic. I didn’t have the strength. I just wanted to cry and eat lots of ice cream.
“C’mon, El.” She blew out a breath that lifted wisps of her blond hair that had escaped her ponytail. “Let’s go inside. You have a few hours before work. I want you to get some sleep. We can talk more after you’re rested.”
“Okay.”
“Good.” She nodded approvingly, her expression reminding me of Champion.
A pang gripped my heart.
“It’ll be okay.” Taking my hand, she pried my fingers loose from the strap of my purse and used her chastising voice. “But I want you to think about how to fix this situation. Even if Champion is technically my father, he’s not your father, and anyway, I won’t allow you to use me or anything else as an excuse. Do you hear me?”
“I could get hurt,” I said softly. “I’ve had enough pain in my life.”
