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“I should have told you,” I agree. “But what good would it have done?”
She doesn’t answer. She knows as well as I do there was never a good outcome here.
“Does Elora know of this?”
“No, of course not. I can’t imagine she would take knowing such a thing very well.”
Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, Kaia nods thoughtfully.
“What is it?”
She sucks in a breath, then releases it. “Something she said to me earlier. I thought it odd then. And now…” She spreads her hands out in front of her. “Even odder.”
I sit forward in my chair, elbows braced on the edge of the desk, body tense. “Why? What did she say?”
“She asked if we were friends. When I asked why she would ever doubt such a thing to be true, she said something about betrayal. People are all too often eager to betray you.”
No. I shove up from my desk, rocking a little on my feet as my heart plummets into my stomach. She can’t know. How would she have found out?
I shift to my rooms but find them empty. I left her sleeping there this morning, curled up against the pillows, her dark hair fanned out behind her, pale skin stark against the black silk sheets. I liked the look of her in my bed so much I almost woke her up with my cock again, but I left her in favor of doing more research on finding the missing book.
But the dressing gown is discarded at the foot of the bed, the clothes I conjured for her gone. She simply dressed and went to read in her rooms or for a ride. That’s all.
I shift to her room and find the wardrobe door hanging open, her clothes shoved to one side. At the bottom of the wardrobe is a large jar filled with herbs and a bright green liquid. Some kind of potion. For what?
The barn, then. I’m sure of it. But when I arrive, I find Meera gone. Panic clawing at my throat, I do what I should have done from the first moment and scan the palace and inside the wards, looking for her. But there’s nothing.
Nothing except a break in my wards just beyond the pasture where she likes to ride. Shifting there, I instantly see why I haven’t been able to locate her inside the usual boundaries. She’s breached the wards with simple magick.
And if I don’t find her, I might lose her forever.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
It took more than a little convincing to get Meera through the hole I created in the wards. But once I did, and once she stopped shying away from me and let me mount her, we were able to cover ground much faster than I did during my first escape attempt.
I don’t know this path as well, but at least I’m not navigating it in the dark or on foot. Once we reach the veil, I hope it’s as easy as stepping through it to the other side. If it isn’t, I’ll have to think of something else. But it can’t be that complicated.
I wandered in without doing anything special. And if Thieran wasn’t worried about me being able to cross the veil into Acaria should I ever reach it, he wouldn’t have put up wards keeping me close to the palace in the first place. I should be able to get back out again.
I sit up straighter when I hear rushing water, and Meera slows to a walk. I didn’t expect to reach the River Axan so quickly. Unless the map in my head is too fuzzy to be accurate and we’ve been going in the wrong direction.
How many rivers are in the Shadow Realm? Three, if the stories are true. I came in by the River Axan, said to contain all the sorrow of the realm. Any souls who touch its surface become trapped inside with their heartache and misery. I shake my head at the vague memory of kneeling over the black water, a hand pressing to the surface from the other side as if trapped beneath.
Urging Meera through the brush, we clear it to find a river bubbling softly over brown rocks and lapping at the shallow banks. Its waters are a pale golden yellow that reminds me of the sun, and since the River Loret is rumored to be green, I know this must be the River Grense.
I pause for a fraction of a heartbeat. I would give anything to forget. To have my mind wiped clear of my time in the Shadow Realm. I don’t want to remember the God of Death and his impossibly blue eyes, the deep tone of his voice, the feel of his hands on my body.
I want to rid myself of this soul-deep ache over his betrayal. It would be easy. I could slide off Meera’s back and drop to my knees, cup the water in my hands, and bring it to my lips. It would be cool and crisp, sliding down my throat as everything fades, my mind clears, and my body goes numb.
I would rather forget, but not at the expense of being stuck here and again at Thieran’s mercy. I’d rather be alive and in pain than numb and the God of Death’s unwitting sacrifice. I need to be free. Then I’ll figure out how to put all of this behind me.
Turning Meera from the river’s edge, we pick our way over rocky ground. I’m impatient with the slow pace. Any minute now, Thieran could realize I’m not where he wants me to be, that the caged bird has flown free. And when he does, he’ll come after me. I need to be as far into Acaria as possible before that happens.
I don’t know where I’ll go or if it’s even possible to outrun him. But even if he does haul me back here and kill me, at least I will know I did everything in my power to escape him first.
The rocky ground smoothes into tall grass, and again I take Meera into a gallop. We can’t waste any more time. I have to focus if I’m going to get us both out of here alive.
The breeze whips my hair around my face, and I clench my teeth to keep them from chattering in the cold. I should have taken the damn cloak. But it’s too late to turn back now. Once I get to Acaria, I’ll trade labor for a warm place to stay and some food.
