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He cocked his head, thinking hard. “Alright. If you go on the pill we can forego the condom. I’ve been tested since…the last time I had sexual contact with anyone.”
I nodded, unexpectedly jealous.
He emptied his glass, kissed my forehead, and strode out of the kitchen. I stood there, fists clenched, heart pounding. There was a sweet, hot ache between my legs.
I didn’t have to be anywhere for a little while so I padded quietly down the hall to my room. I slid the lock down and climbed into bed. Flushed, I took my vibrator out and pulled my shorts down. Spreading my thighs. Slipping my hand between them.
A bit of silky wetness stained my fingertips. My heartbeat fluttered against my ribs. Loud in my ears.
I closed my eyes. Into my mind swam the image of Merrick between my legs, sheet pulled up to our waists. Moving slowly against my body. Pleasuring me, filling me. Skin on skin, breath mingling. Low, husky moans spilling from his mouth and onto my neck.
Nothing between us, just our desperate bodies in the dark.
My spine arced. The wave hit me before I was ready and I cried out.
When I resurfaced, I was panting hard.
Sweaty, flushed, and stunned.
A week later, I found myself on my back with my legs open in the gynecologist’s office. Merrick hadn’t asked me any questions, he’d just made an appointment on the recommendation of his doctor. It should have annoyed me, but it didn’t. I liked that he was handling things.
It made this awkward, pre-sex period easier.
“So you’re planning on becoming sexually active soon?” the doctor said, pulling on her gloves.
I nodded, keeping my eyes ahead. “Yes, in the next month.”
“Well, congratulations,” she said pleasantly. “And it’s good you’re coming in beforehand. It can help ease your fears around your first time to get an exam and have your questions answered.”
“Thank you,” I said.
It felt incredibly weird to be talking casually with her while she had her head between my knees. I flexed my cold toes in the stirrups.
“Is this your first time coming in?’
I considered lying, but decided against it.
“Yes, I didn’t think I needed to before now,” I admitted.
“Well, moving forward we want to see you every few years,” she said cheerfully. “And if you have issues with your birth control, of course we can help out too. If you’re planning on becoming pregnant, we have a specialist who can answer your questions about fertility.”
“I’m not,” I said quickly.
She nodded. “You have time.”
We were quiet as she examined me and did a pap smear, which hurt more than I’d expected. She prescribed me the pill and I sat up, covering my lap while she sanitized her hands.
“Did you have any questions?” she asked.
“Um…I was wondering what pain level I should expect,” I said. “For the first time, I mean.”
She crossed her arms. “It’s hard to say. Sorry, I’m sure you’d rather hear a solid answer. But that can depend on the skill of your partner. Is this also his first time?”
I shook my head. “Definitely not.”
“Do you trust him?”
I didn’t hesitate before nodding. “Yes, I know he’s careful and patient.”
