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“You’re afraid of hurting her.”
“I am.”
“So why are you here today?”
“I went to the club last night to check over some of my books. We’d just gotten back from the lodge, I told her to see Osian, but she said she was going out clubbing with Candice. She was alone, dressed in this tiny, glittery dress. Drunk, that was obvious. So we made eye contact and she made an obscene gesture—”
“What gesture?” Gretchen’s mouth twitched.
I gave her an example.
She smirked. “Oh, she’s got a bit of sass.”
“You could say that.”
“What happened?”
“I hauled her ass home and sobered her up. She admitted she didn’t know what that gesture meant so I told her and things escalated. She told me she wanted me to go down on her and…other things.”
“What things?”
“She doesn’t want to lose her virginity to her future fiancé,” I said hoarsely. “She wants me to take it.”
There was a short, shocked silence. Gretchen chewed her glossy lower lip. Her silver pen spun in her fingers.
“I said no, obviously. She was tipsy,” I amended. “And even if she hadn’t been, I’d have said no.”
“Do you ever talk about sex with her?”
I shrugged. “Occasionally.”
“Have you told her about your sex life?”
I shook my head.
“You never discuss your past partners?”
I shook my head again.
“Why not?”
“I didn’t think it was appropriate to talk to her about my sex life at all. And I think I was right, considering all it took was a single conversation about oral for her to beg me to fuck.”
Her brow arched. “So what it sounds like to me is that you’ve always felt that there was some…chance that you might find her attractive. Otherwise you wouldn’t have put up so many boundaries with her around…sensitive topics.”
She was right, of course she was. I got to my feet and crossed the room to refill my espresso. The machine hummed and the scent of coffee filled the office.
“When was the last time you had sex?”
I calculated. “Three years and two months.”
“Really?”
“Unless you’re counting oral. I had a threesome last year.”
“Why?”
“The threesome? It was for political purposes. I needed to make an alliance. I needed the people I was working with to think I was being benevolent. I had a threesome with a diplomat and his wife. I goaded the husband into feeling like he had blown the whole deal and then I offered them five percent. They took it.”
