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“Great. Let’s go after the workout. Come on, you are loafing now.”
Sandra started jogging and I began running hard to keep up pace with her. She was in such damn good shape that it was ridiculous.
Afterwards, as we drove towards the gun shop and adjoining gun range where she went twice a week, I found myself feeling a bit sick at my stomach. I didn’t want to do this. But I had to keep reminding myself that I was the victim here.
“So, how is the dating situation with you? What happened to that guy who used to come into the bar all the time that you told me about? I thought things were going well with him?”
“Yeah, they kind of are. He comes in a few times a week, well actually it’s been more like three or four. He comes in, has a few beers, and we do our little banter/flirting thing. Mason seems like a good guy. I don’t know as much about him as I would like to, but so far I know that I do like him.”
“Good. So, what is the problem?”
“What do you mean?” I asked as I drove.
“Ask him out already.”
“I don’t know… that sounds a bit forward for me.”
“Am I talking to your grandmother? No. It’s not the sixties anymore. You have to be proactive nowadays. You have to go for what you want and that includes men. If the guy isn’t ready to take that plunge himself then there is nothing wrong with you asking him out. Be a rebel. I’ve done it lots of times and guys love it when I make the first move.”
“Well, that doesn’t feel weird to you?”
“No. It shouldn’t either. You just have to go for it.”
“I keep trying to tell myself that, but I know he is hurting because of what happened with is ex and I don’t think he is ready for anything even if he did say yes.”
“That’s an awful lot of assuming you are doing. Why don’t you let him be the judge of that? Unless you already like him that if after a few weeks or months he decides he doesn’t want this right now, that it would be too painful for you. It’s not like you to totally fall for a guy you haven’t even dated yet.”
“I know. That’s why this is different. It’s kind of scary. And I’m not sure I can deal with that. Does that make me sound like a child?”
“Not at all. You shouldn’t apologize for how you feel. But I do think you need to learn to regulate your feelings a bit better.”
“Maybe,” I replied. “You’re right. I should just ask him out already and see what happens. I might do that the next time he comes in.”
“You might?”
“Ok,” I replied. “I will. It gives me the butterflies just to think about it.” I giggled a bit and felt silly about that.
Sandra found all of this very funny. “You are a trip. Those feelings will go away if you just trust yourself more.”
“Ok,” I replied. “I’ll do that. I promise.”
I pulled into the parking lot of the gun shop and stepped out a bit nervously. I was not so sure about this, but I knew it was the right decision. I had no idea how Tyler was going to react to the fact that I did something as concrete as to file a restraining order against him. He was bound to be super pissed off. When he got that notice I would have loved to see the look on his face. It filled me with a sick sense of satisfaction. The bastard. I hoped I never saw him again and one day he would rot in hell for the pain he’d caused me. It was enough to make me swear off relationships forever, but if I did that and became a hermit then he would win again. That wasn’t going to happen. I was ready to put myself back out there and I wanted to start with Mason.
“Alright,” Sandra said. “You ready to do this?”
“Sure. Let’s go.”
I followed her into the shop and got prepared. After looking through several options we settled on a small pistol that I was told would pack a solid punch and put down anyone that you shot with it. And it was lightweight and easy to carry. Speaking of which, my next step after today would be to file for a permit to carry the gun on me. It shouldn’t be too hard. I would be ready at all times.
After I had my gun, Sandra led me out back to the gun range. I put on my headphone hear protectors and watched as Sandra fired and emptied her gun into the target in front of her. She was a great shot.
I tried to follow her and I failed miserably. “It takes time and practice,” Sandra assured me.
