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“Thanks,” I said. I took a huge gulp of my water bottle. “Let’s just walk for a bit. I need to calm down. I’m a beginner, remember?”
“Yeah, I guess. But this is starting to bore me now,” she replied.
I laughed. “Well, get bored and get used to it.”
“So, what’s going on in your world? I feel like we haven’t talked much this week.”
“I’ve been a bit busy. I finally got that restraining order on record. It is good to go. Tyler can’t come near me anymore or he will be arrested.”
“Damn, you finally got it? That’s great. I’m glad. Good for you. I can’t believe you waited that long.”
“He was going to hurt me,” I said. “I know that it was just a matter of time before that happened. I had no choice. Things were escalating with his creepy behavior.”
“Damn,” she said. “That’s rough. I’m glad you did this then.”
“Yeah, he came to my apartment the other day. He was waiting for me when I got home and he basically threatened me. His creepy behavior turned strange. It was just something that I couldn’t take anymore. I’m afraid for my life.”
I was trembling, almost crying now as it all came rushing back to me. Sandra put her hand on my shoulder and then pulled me closer for a hug. “Hey, it’s alright. You did the right thing. That creep had better not come near you or he is going to jail for a damn long time, right?”
“Yes,” I replied. “Yes, and that should make me feel terrific, but it really doesn’t. I don’t know if he is willing to risk it or not. It really just depends on him. And that not knowing on my part is terrifying. I’m just waiting for him to make up his mind, waiting for him to come and see if he is going to come at me. It feels like the ball is in his court.”
“Well, it is going to feel like that. You can’t change that because it’s a fact. He can decide to violate this thing and risk going to jail to come at you. And he can decide whether he wants to hurt you or not. But being a victim and waiting around like that just isn’t the way to live your life. You have to put him out of your mind and just take the proper precautions in case something does happen. Now, do you have a gun?”
I almost gasped out loud. “No. I hate guns.”
“Hey, I hate them too, but pepper spray only works for certain things on certain people. A guy like Tyler if he really wanted to get at you, it wouldn’t slow him at all. And especially it wouldn’t if he was high. He still uses, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Probably. He claims to be clean for six months, but I don’t buy it.”
“Ok, well you need to stop thinking about the fact you hate guns and start thinking about what you can do to protect yourself. You aren’t the average woman. You have a bona fide stalker after you.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
“Well, extreme times require extreme measures.”
“That’s so cliché.”
“Yeah, most clichés are true most of the time. Funny how that works. But listen to me. I can get you set up with a good handgun and we can go to the range and practice shooting a few times until you are comfortable. Of course, practice and doing are two different things, but even having the gun and knowing how to use it to handle yourself is quite a bit of protection. You’d be surprised how much confidence that breeds.”
She was starting to make a lot of sense. I hated it when she did that. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. I rested my hand on the back of my neck and squeezed some of those tense muscles. My jaw was also clenched which I suddenly became aware of. Dammit. Why was this happening to me? Tyler was taking everything from me. My freedom. He was the perpetrator but I felt like I was in some kind of a prison. This wasn’t right. I had an image in my head of him coming for me and shooting him dead. His blood flying, his voice screaming, and then his body collapsing at my feet in a lifeless heap.
I shook my head to get the image out of me. I felt a bit sick with even thinking of it. I hoped I’d never have to do anything like that, but if he ever decided to do something really violent to me I would have no choice. And that was his fault, not mine. If this happened it would be due to a choice he made. I had no choice but to be prepared to protect myself.
“Ok,” I said. “Let’s do it.”
