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A cab took us to my house. I hated leaving my car in the lot but didn't want to try and deal with Lee while I was driving. I needed both hands and full attention, in case of an incident during the twenty-minute drive.
There was no hiccup. He laid down across the back seat, his head in my lap, a loose hand resting on my thigh, as if to reassure him of my presence, and fell asleep.
I needed the break and spent the drive wondering if these emotions from him would go away as soon as he sobered up. He certainly hadn’t shown anything other than competitiveness with Brant before—and had never discussed even caring about me, much less expecting me to leave Brant for him.
“This the one?” The cabbie slowed by my gates, and I scrambled in my purse for my phone.
“Yes, that’s it. Just a moment, I’ll open the gate.”
I used the app on my phone to engage the gate, and then returned the device to my purse, pulling gently on Lee’s shoulder.
He didn’t respond, and I offered the driver an extra twenty bucks to help me carry him to my bed. Once the man left, I pulled his clothes off and covered him with the duvet, dimming the lights in the bedroom and changing into my pajamas. I laid on my side next to him and stared at his beautiful face. Stared and thought and tried to sort out the mess of feelings in my head.
Chapter 47
When I woke up in the morning, he was gone, along with the cash from my wallet.
Truly gone.
Like the first time I parted from him, he was lost in the wind. His cell phone was dead. His Jeep and trailer, which was left in the Toasty's parking lot, was never moved, and finally towed away. I called Jillian and asked if her people had seen him, but they had nothing.
He was gone, with no trace of the man who held a large piece of my heart.
I didn't see him again for five months.
I tried to forget him.
Tried to accept his disappearance as a blessing, as my world with Brant carried on. The iTunes deal closed, Brant doubled his wealth, and life continued, smooth as silk. But every time I was away from Brant, I thought of Lee. Wondered about him. Missed him. Turned down another proposal from Brant, this one with candlelight and lobster on the upper deck of his new yacht.
I almost accepted. With Lee gone, I had to fight from saying yes. But I didn't.
I had to know if Lee was out still there.
Had to dig back into the darkness, verify his existence, find out more.
I just wasn't cut any other way.
Chapter 48 - Brant
I kept the ring in my office, in the main drawer of my desk. Its box was worn, my hands turning the velvet over too many times to count, and much more than it was built for.
I bought the ring months before Belize. It was on a whim, my head clearing enough to realize that I was downtown, for a reason I didn't know, a swarm of people in the daily grudgefuck that was San Francisco. I hated this city, its shove of too many people in too tight a space, the fight for air claustrophobic in its necessity. I stood on that crowded street, dirty cracks underfoot, and saw the jeweler's silver sign of black and white calm against the madness that was the crowded street. I worked my way through the crowd and stepped inside.
Earrings maybe. Something to glint among the dark curls of her hair. The store was spacious, blanketed by the calm and quiet of expense and I breathed easier. Smiled at the man who greeted me. Stepped forward, not to the display of necklaces and earrings, but to the left, my steps pulling me toward the glittering expanse of engagement rings.
I didn't know what I was thinking. I couldn't propose without coming clean. Without telling her about the black in my soul. I was damaged goods. She deserved to know that, to understand what she was stepping into. The pain that I would drag her through, should the medication ever stop working. But all of those variables left my mind when I stepped up to the glass. My gaze scrolled over the lineup of rings, and I stabbed the glass above one cluster of settings. "Let me see those."
I walked out without a ring. There hadn't been anything worthy of her. But the jeweler had worked with me and tracked down a stone that fit her. A natural blue diamond. It took them three weeks to find one large enough. 2.41 carats, in the shape of a shield. A unique shape and a unique stone. They put it in a simple setting, then delivered it by Brink trunk. It sat in my desk for another month before I felt secure, felt right. It was the biggest decision of my life, more important than any deal, any product. I carefully weighed the decision, analyzed pros and cons, and examined every facet of my relationship with Layana. Looked at it as a business decision, even though marriage should be anything but. But I already knew what my heart felt. No point in holding it underwater to drown in an unwinnable situation. I needed to go through an analytical process to ensure success.
Before proposing, I completed the analysis for me (positive result), and then for her. Tried to determine if this was a smart decision for Layana. Tried to anticipate the probability of a fallout that would occur if or when she discovered my secrets. Maybe she would be fine. Maybe she'd understand. Maybe she would never know.
Or maybe she'd run for the hills.
I had worked through scenarios, turned that ring over a thousand times ... then I had gone for it. Made a decision, let my accountants and family know, and said goodbye to all logical reason.
Love. It makes us do crazy things.
