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He clinks with his glass of soda. “Thanks, Alli. I couldn’t wait to tell you. That’s all I thought about, ever since sharing the good news with you. After all, you are my number one fan.”
That’s because I love you.
Nope, must say different words. “That’s because you’re the best. The best, Ter-Ter.”
I watch him get in his car and wave as he drives past. I hike onto my bike, but the words that have been planted there won’t go away.
That’s because I love you.
And tomorrow he’s going out with Kasia…
…Not if I can help it.
Terence – Tuesday to Friday
This might go down as the weirdest day in my life.
What on earth am I doing planning to go out with Alli’s friend when I don’t want to have anything do with her? What does Alli think of me, this Handsome Hero? Yuck! The words alone make me gag.
I pull away and see Alli in the rearview mirror. She’s watching me go.
Why did I lay into her so hard about not knowing my work? Who gives two hoots if she knows anything about being an accountant or not? And why would I want her to know anything about it anyway? It only matters now that things are starting to turn the way I hoped, that I’m at the start of something new and exciting. The beginning of a mountain rescue service.
I’m not ready to believe that Alli could be right about me being the head of that unit. I was hired as an accountant. They see me as an accountant. I’m there to do what an accountant does.
But if I could have the chance to lead a team of search and rescue handlers… Me…
I can’t let myself dream like this – it’s dangerous! Imagine if I get my hopes up.
I can hear Alli in my ear now:
“So what if you do?” she’d say. “The worst that would happen is you’re disappointed.”
And even if they told me no to leading, I could still participate. I’d be a shoo-in, a natural option. I could point to the Channel 9 footage if I needed to. “Look,” I’d say. “I know how to do this.” I could do it on the weekends like I do already, just in the name of the Dog’s Paw.
“If you don’t take this chance, you’ll regret it,” the Alli in my head says.
She’s right.
Alli.
What was with all this business of her saying I’m not available? Everyone knows that “available” doesn’t mean “available on Wednesdays”. Free to date, that’s what available means. Isn’t it? Sure, it’s been a while since I’ve been on the dating scene, and in a way, I’m glad for it, but I don’t think the definition of ‘available’ has changed.
What’s going on with her?
A part of me wishes that it was because she doesn’t want me to date anyone. But only if that meant that she has other plans… for us.
I’m not happy about where we left things. That’s not the Alli-bear and Ter-Ter we are, to have a difficult conversation and part ways with discomfort hanging in the air.
I have to make this right.
“What’s up with you?” I tap into my phone, but that’s not the right tone. Sounds like I’m saying something’s wrong with her, and that’s not what I mean. Delete, delete, delete.
“What you up to?” That’s more open-ended, except that I just saw her a couple of hours ago. Delete, delete, delete.
What’s the right thing to say in a situation like this. What am I hoping for?
I know.
