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I downed the chocolatey bite and sipped the tea. Cynthia was right. It did help. She held out her hand and caressed my cheek.
I said, “I feel like I’m such a basket case around you this summer,” and I hung my head.
Cynthia disagreed. She said, “I think you’re finally growing up. You are a bit of a late bloomer, but I understand why. Are you going to try and talk to Nicolas about this?”
I continued to stare at the table. “I don’t know. I feel so damn embarrassed now. He hasn’t called me. Maybe he thinks I’m not worth all the drama. And the worst—I’m lost without his control thing.”
Cynthia’s fingers slid beneath my chin and lifted my face so that she could look into my eyes. “Hun, you are worth getting through a few rough patches. If he doesn’t see that, then he doesn’t deserve you. I think the two of you need to talk. Don’t give up just yet.”
* * *
The visit from Cynthia brightened my mood. We shared a quick sandwich lunch before she left to attend an afternoon meeting. Minutes after she left, I sat down at my computer, startled by a flurry of messages from the city committee. A murder occurred overnight in the city that left a young child dead from a misdirected shot. The committee wanted to push the mayor to make a bold statement.
I placed a call to Steven. He answered immediately. “Ryan, things are blowing up here. It’s a perfect time for the mayor to speak and explain that we already have a citizen’s committee in place that will move forward on these issues.”
“Is he receptive? Will he do that?”
Steven’s words were more confident than the tone of his voice. “It’s the right thing to do. I think he will come through.”
“Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.”
Steven was silent for a moment, but then his enthusiasm and confidence returned. He said, “There might be something you can do. Let me talk to Mayor Reynolds, and I’ll get back to you. Thank you for the call. I have to go field a few more of them myself.”
I ended the conversation with a smile on my face. Nicolas was not my entire life. Stepping out into public helped me create a safety net. I could fall back into it if the dating hit a rough patch.
I was curious what Steven had in mind. It made me nervous to think that I might be involved with something at the mayor’s level, but it excited me, too. I turned my attention to the email exchanges among my fellow committee members and tossed in my own commentary.
* * *
Late in the afternoon, I received the call I’d hoped for all day. It was Nicolas. He asked first about my wellbeing. He said, “It was rough on everyone. I screwed up. I understand why you were upset, but I wish you hadn’t left. We could have talked—“
I interrupted. “Nicolas, I couldn’t handle it. I know I agreed, but I didn’t know that would happen. I had to get out of there. It was getting hard to breathe.”
Nicolas responded softly. “I understand.” Hearing his voice soothed me. I tried to maintain vigilance in my mind, but Nicolas’ emotional power seeped back into my bones.
I missed Nicolas horribly. I thought about his face, and my thoughts drifted to touching his muscular body. Unfortunately, memories of emotional pain accompanied the positives. I still had a rock in the pit of my stomach that refused to leave. I wondered whether a relationship with Nicolas meant I’d ride a permanent roller coaster of emotions.
I asked, “Is he there?”
“Who? Oh—do you mean Taylor? No, I think he might be scared to come back.” Nicolas started to laugh, but he stopped abruptly. He immediately asked the hard questions. “Is it over? It can’t be, can it? A second chance—“
I swallowed hard. I knew I didn’t want it to be over, but I didn’t know how to move forward. Nicolas needed to be the one in charge. We needed his direction, and I was still out of my element in a romantic relationship.
I said, “I don’t know. I’m not sure how to get past this.”
“Dinner? Please.”
Before hanging up, I agreed to dinner the next day. I didn’t want anything fancy, and I didn’t want it to feel like a date. We finally decided on pizza at a local restaurant. It was casual but more upscale than the chili parlor of our first date.
I added, “And Nicolas, don’t dress up. This is for us to talk. I don’t know what happens after.”
Later in the evening, near sundown, I climbed into my Audi for a drive. I turned corners aimlessly until I reached downtown. After nearly thirty minutes of driving, I found myself at the riverside park where I serviced Nicolas on my knees in the first week of our dating.
Danger felt like it was lurking around every corner when I fell to my knees, but my willingness to follow Nicolas’ lead turned it into a powerfully erotic event. I worried about what might happen if someone caught us, but the worry only intensified my arousal and made me want Nicolas more.
I sat on the bench nearest the point where I performed the deed. Sitting there, I closed my eyes and leaned back. For the entire conversation on the phone, I used the name Nicolas instead of Master or Sir. Thinking of him as Nicolas left me feeling rudderless. It drained the passion from our conversation. Something was missing that I knew I would crave even more within a few days.
As I slowly slipped off the bench, I forgot about my clean clothes and fell to my knees on the ground. I leaned back on my heels and closed my eyes. Trying one more time was not just a choice. It was a necessity, and I needed to give my Master another chance.
