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‘Why do you think that?’
‘I was there, remember. You nearly gave him a heart attack while you figured out what was happening and what you should say. Also, because I glanced through the gifts people brought and his name wasn’t on one of them. He got you nothing and last minute he needed to do something for you so, he proposed.’
That hadn’t even crossed my mind. Not that I care about gifts, but he’s right. Besides Conner showing up at my door to ‘gift’ me his penis, he didn’t bring me anything for my birthday. No flowers, no dinner reservations, no nothing but a late-night surprise booty call.
‘A last-minute proposal to make up for not buying a gift seems a tad extreme,’ I suggest, hoping he’s not right. Is a booty call romantic? Not really. But he stayed the night and we even ordered in breakfast the next morning.
‘Don’t forget he got your name wrong, and had no ring,’ he says, shoveling mac and cheese into his mouth as though he’s starving.
I sigh. ‘Spike barked at him as he left my building. Said he saw a dog. There was no dog.’
Dad laughs. ‘Oh, there was a dog. Spike is a smart bird; I’d take his advice.’
‘You won’t even be in the same room as him unless he’s caged; now you want me to take his advice?’
‘Damn bird bit off a chunk of my ear, Jade.’ Dad turns his head, displaying the perfect V snipped from the top of his ear when Spike once thought he was an intruder and attacked. ‘Usually Spike can’t be trusted, but in this case, I agree with him. I saw a dog when Conner was around too.’
Great. Not only did everyone warn me about the two of us moving too fast, but now Dad is in agreement with my parrot who knows more insults than compliments. This whole thing is starting to feel very nightmarish.
There’s a honk outside Dad’s house and, to be honest, I’m a little relieved. I’d like to stop reliving every red flag I never saw. ‘That’s my ride.’
Immediately, Dad stands from the table. ‘Do I get to meet this man?’
I laugh as I grab my purse, my favorite one, shaped like red lips. Weird purses and fur coats are kind of my thing. Why be trendy when buying what you actually like is so much more fun?
‘You can meet him if you want to, but he’s only an Uber driver so…’
‘This mystery man isn’t picking you up?’
‘I’m going for dinner with a friend, not on a date, remember?’
‘Back in my day, dinner with a “friend” usually was a date.’
‘Well, thankfully we’re no longer living in the 1900s, Dad. In my world, men and women can be friends and nothing more.’
He smirks. ‘Good luck with that, Jadeybug.’
* * *
‘I have to ask about the fur coat,’ River says as he walks to the table near the front door. He’s dressed in black skinny jeans, bright green Converses, and a gray and black Nike hoodie. He’s usually got on something that surprises me, but tonight he seems pretty low key. ‘What kind of fur is this?’ he asks, petting my arm before sitting across from me. ‘Squirrel?’
‘No,’ I say with a laugh as I pull the coat off, setting it on the booth bench next to me. ‘I think it’s mink?’
He scrunches his face. ‘Did you shoot it yourself, calamity Jade?’
I’ve been here two minutes and he’s made me laugh twice. He’s right. He’s the perfect distraction.
‘Do I seem like a gun-toting, mink-hunting damsel?’
He grins. ‘Not even a little bit. I gotta know the story behind it though.’
I glance down at the vintage fur coat I so love, and wear the second the temp dips below fifty-five, giving it a pet as a ‘sorry you had to die’ gesture, feeling the tiniest bit bad about how this coat came to be. One day, a gang of PETA folks will rightfully cover me in paint, and I’ll lose the memory that makes me happy every time I put this coat on.
‘This coat was my grandfather’s.’
‘Well, wasn’t he fancy,’ he says. ‘Did he get invited to a lot of Jay Gatsby-style parties?’
‘He wore it ironically, mostly to irritate my grandmother while they dated. She hated it.’
