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With her, I wouldn’t overthink it. All I knew was that regardless of what happened between us, she would have my respect. She would know that she was cared for. But deep down, it was always a given that someday, it would have to come to an end, especially because of Chris.
In my head, I’d seen us always remaining as amicable as possible afterward, looking back at this as a fun time with hopefully no regrets on her end or mine. In my head, we’d always be friends, no matter what. But imagining a future with her seemed impractical. Me, my two best friends and my wife? Would she even want to be married to me or would I date other people? It was crazy to think about.
Now, to be in love with her? She wasn’t the only one who was afraid now. I was terrified.
“Are you okay?” she asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. My stomach roared with the need to upchuck its sparse contents.
“Huh?” I asked her.
“You’ve gone pale,” she said. “You’re having second thoughts, aren’t you?” she asked.
“About making sure you’re taken care of?” I asked. “Never.” I shook my head.
That part was true. I’d never leave her stranded if she needed me, materially or even emotionally, but could I commit to being there for her romantically and give up on the future I envisioned for myself? In the long term, could I trade in myself for a relationship with someone who couldn’t devote herself romantically only to me as I wished to do for her?
Short-term, this was fun and different for me. A great experience outside of my comfort zone. But long-term, I was afraid of losing myself because this dynamic wasn’t me. Or was it? Damn it, I needed some air and some space to think.
“Hey,” I said, pulling her forward and kissing her on her forehead. “Are you going to be okay?” I asked. “You don’t have to be worried about being homeless. As long as I still own this complex, there’ll always be a place here for you. You’ll never be broke as long as I have money in my bank account and before you tell me it’s too much…” I said, pressing my thumb against her lips.
The brush of her lips against my thumb made me tremble, and I pulled it away as if I got burned.
“It’s never too much,” I whispered, wishing so badly that she were mine and mine alone, but knowing that she couldn’t be. If I wanted her, I’d have to be okay with sharing her. And right now, it was a lot for me to process. Getting up from the bed, I made my way back into the bathroom for a shower.
“See you later?” I asked her.
She mustered up a smile for me and nodded. Locking myself in the bathroom for a moment to figure out what my feelings meant for us came with a welcome relief before I left her apartment and headed home.
Chapter 12
Jared
Walkingintomyfirmwas like trying to complete an obstacle course with a bed of nails that everyone was trying to get across. Whispers stopped as soon as I stepped into the building, and everyone in the lobby shuffled to either get back to work or pretend they had something more important to do. As for me, I spotted some of my partners and hurried toward the stairs, opting to take those instead of the elevator to avoid running into them.
When I finally got the fuck to my floor, I was panting. Gratitude to my morning swims for keeping me active enough to not pass out or sweat profusely in this damn suit soared within me. Melissa looked up in shock when she saw me coming from the direction of the stairs and reaching for my handkerchief to dab the sweat from my forehead and the top of my lip.
Her mouth fell open, and I greeted her before she could say anything. “Good morning, Melissa,” I said, moving swiftly toward my office.
“Good morning, Mr. Crawford. You have a…” she started.
But I had already opened the door to my surprise before she could finish. Groaning with the need to sit in the coolness of my office and knowing that I wouldn’t have a moment of silence now, I closed the door behind me.
“Good morning, Chris,” I started as I made my way to my desk.
“Let’s skip the greeting.” He raised his hand. “I need you to drop this suit against my parents. What the hell is wrong with you? Haven’t you done enough?” he asked.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there. It was too early for this. What I needed was a break, a sip of water, and maybe a coffee, not Chris yelling at me. Setting my bag down, I went over to the water machine. Chris was breathing heavily in the visitor’s chair in front of my desk as he watched me with impatience. The coolness of the water coupled with that of my office gave me the chill in my bones I was looking for. After tossing the paper cup in the rubbish, I moved toward my desk to sit and press the button on my phone that connected me to Melissa. “Would you mind getting me a coffee?” I asked her.
“Sure, you don’t want something stronger, Mr. Crawford?” she asked.
Her light response caught me off guard since the heaviness of the past week made this office feel like it was filled with smog, making it hard for us all to breathe. I almost smiled, but it would have been insensitive.
“Oh, I wouldn’t want to be reckless,” I said, instead.
“That ship has already sailed,” Chris said under his breath.
Hanging up the phone, I inhaled and exhaled deeply before folding my hands before me on my desk and facing Chris.
“Look, Chris. I’m afraid I can’t withdraw the suit. Your parents are the ones who forced my hand and unless they take back their false claims against me, I would be doing myself, the firm, and the people involved in this claim a disservice if I withdraw the suit,” I said.
