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"Which part? The not telling us the true reason you wanted us in Seaside? Or the part about you having Calvin find a workshop slot and not telling us until the last minute?" Her lips freeze as I reveal the secret. "Or the fact that the Sunday space didn't suddenly fall from the sky above. You reserved it several days ago." I see the confusion on her face. The how did he know look mixed with the which secret do I try to explain first look?
When she mumbles out another weak apology, I lose patience.
"How many other secrets are there? Was what happened between us even real or was I just auditioning for the role of replacement boyfriend? I just want to keep track. Maybe I should be honored that you even considered me for the band. At least your band members stick around longer than the men you date." I'm out of my depth. I'm swinging wildly, my self-preservation mode kicking out words that's never crossed my mind. The cruel words are well over the line I ever thought I'd cross. I've lost control. Something I pride myself on maintain. Steady. Reliable. Those are my traits. Yet, Ariel makes me feel untethered. A liberty that has up to now given me the freedom to say, act, and be someone I've always wished I'd become.
It scares the hell out of me. She's forced me to face parts of myself I've always raced away from. It all may be crumbling in front of my face, but she's pulled me on a journey I never would have taken on my own.
"Don't say that." A bit of her fire kicks up, and I pause. Finally. Ariel isn't the type of girl who gets railroaded. She's taken down journalists, paparazzi, and misbehaving fans on a regular. The fact that I've said what I've said and am still standing is a testament to her self-control.
"You don't mean that. That last part." She pauses as if weighing her every word. "You have me dead to rights on the first part, Adam. But you wrote the words, you know me. I don't do apologies. I didn't know you. I didn't know your brother. I knew my band. My family. And before I could even consider bringing in a new member, I needed to see how you operate up close. To see them not on their best behavior because they knew they were auditioning but in their natural state."
Gone is the waver in her voice, replaced with a grit and growing determination that warns me I've awakened the sleeping tiger and am about to pay the price.
"This is my life, my career, my future, my band, my family. If your feelings got hurt in the process of me protecting mine, I'm sorry." This is as close to an apology as she comes. A backhanded that's what you get for getting in the way of what matters to me. "I like you, Adam. Us." She stumbles across the last word. "You've gotten me to believe in things I had given up on. An actual relationship. A stable relationship with a good man. Please know in your heart, that part, the us, was always real. Always honest. It has nothing to do with the band. It has nothing to do with the music. It has to do with us."
Her words reach me, and I pause to pick up the pieces of a shattered ego for a moment. "How can I believe that?" The doubt in my heart slips between my lips. I want to believe it's real. It's real to me. Even standing here, I'm fighting my instincts. It would be so easy to pull her into a hug. To press my lips to hers. To smell her sweet essence and get lost in the whirlwind. It's what she expects from her words.
It would be so easy. But my life has never been about what's easy. It's been about suppressing my wants for the greater good. It's about doing what's right. It's about foregoing the short-term pleasures to build a stable foundation for the future.
I've played the good soldier long enough.
"I can't." I take a half step away from her. Panic fills her eyes, and she raises both hands in my direction. "Don't you dare. Don't you dare walk away and leave me standing here."
Her warning fails to sway me. "I need to. For now. For me." I take another step back, and she stomps her foot hard.
"If you do this… if you toss me away like I don't mean something to you…" My pulse kicks up, and I brace for the end. "I don't do second chances, Adam."
My heart pounds heavily in my chest. Ariel keeps telling me what she doesn't do. Second chances. Or apologies. But it's her actions which speak the loudest. The things she does. She protects and fights for those who matter to her—her band, her music. If I don't do this, I'll never know if she'll ever fight for me. If I even matter.
"Have a great concert on Sunday. And congrats on getting what you really want." I turn before she can respond. I walk away before she screams at me. But mostly, I retreat to hide the tears streaming down my face because I've just walked away from the woman who owns my heart.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ariel
This isn't happening. How did I let it get to this place?
I laid my heart on the line, and he walked away. My hands are still shaking at the rejection.
How could he not understand what I did? Why I did it? Should I've come clean sooner? Absolutely. But we were building something. Something special. And I didn't want to jeopardize that. But he walked away anyway.
Left me standing in the blistering sun alone. A position I promised myself a long time ago never to be put in by anyone. The one-time lesson I learned from Mom, forgotten in the haze of thinking the impossible wrapped in his arms. I lowered my guard, let him touch my heart, only to have it ruined.
I want to scream. I want to punch something. I want to blame anyone but myself, but I can't. I did this. I ruined us.
"Were you ever going to even choose him?"
The voice catches me by surprise, and I turn to face the studio entrance. Laredo. I have no idea how much of our conversation he heard. I have no clue how much of our relationship his brother has shared with him.
But I'm tired of the secrets. I've already lost it all. What's the point?
"He was the only one in the running for my heart. But he doesn't want it. He's walked away, and I don't blame him." My hand pushes my untamed hair from my face, and I pace toward Laredo.
He pushes his hands deep into the back pockets of his jeans, a strange look on his face. "You really like him? This week…"
"Was real," I complete his sentence, removing any doubt from his head. "It was never part of my plan. And someday, maybe you can tell your brother it was never a game for me." Disbelief continues to swirl in my bones. A few hours ago, Adam and I were intertwined in the sheets in my hotel suite. We were giddy. Drunk on a future that was in our grasp. "I messed it up. I know that. He's a good man. He deserves better."
"He deserves you," Laredo bites back, refusing to take part in my pity party. "You're exactly what he needs." He pulls his hands from his pockets and takes a half step toward me. "Someone to push him. To make him see himself in the light he deserves. And I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but him walking away like he just did… The only reason he had the courage and strength to do that is because of you."
