AllFreeNovel
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I’ve been a married woman for about two years now, and one thing I’ve learned is that I think a defining factor in the failure of a lot of marriages is unmet expectations. I’m not an expert at this wife thing, but let’s be real. What Damien and I have works, and that’s because I don’t have expectations. I am totally and completely flying by the seat of my pants most days.
I don’t expect things from him. He doesn’t have to give me anything. He owes me nothing. Every day, every hour, he’s working for our family. He’s working to better himself. We have a common goal, and without expectation, we both work to achieve that goal.
“Snug, Mama.” Astria tugs on a curl that’s come loose from my untamed hair.
“I think Daddy wants to snug tonight.”
I turn on the lamp that sits on her nightstand and turn off the bright overhead light. I flip the switch on her noisemaker. Something that I’ve become oddly addicted to since we still share a room.
Astria is getting ready to transition to a toddler bed, and I’m not ready for that yet.
So, most nights I let her snuggle into bed with me until her eyes begin to get heavy with sleep, and then I lay her down in her crib.
That’s not the case every night. Damien and I take turns. Especially when it’s hockey season and he’s spending more time at the rink than he is at home. On those nights, I sneak out and read in the living room or take a nice long hot bath while he rests with her in my bed.
Those nights I don’t sleep. I can’t. Not when his smell is all over my pillow. It infiltrates my sheets. I’m restless, unable to think of anything other than wanting him when I shouldn’t. And when I finally do give in and close my eyes, I dream of him. Tonight will be one of those nights.
I peek around the doorframe and see the broad expanse of his shoulder blades as he stands in the kitchen. I bet he’s making a turkey sandwich. Stubborn broody booty. I could have done that for him. Astria tugs on my hand, and I turn and climb into my bed. He’ll still be a minute, and I can go ahead and help her start winding down.
She wastes no time jumping in beside me and making herself comfortable, stealing the majority of the mattress and almost busting my lip in the process. Oh, the joys of having a toddler. There is no such thing as personal space anymore.
The only person I truly wish was all up in my space can’t seem to stay there long enough for anything to happen. This marriage thing is a joke when it comes to having alone time. Honestly, I don’t know how people that truly are married for, you know love and whatnot, make this work. Damien and I couldn’t do anything if we wanted to. Every time I think something might happen between us; there she is.
The air thickens with lust, he kisses my cheek softly, and bam, just like that Astria is screaming bloody murder for her snack.
She’s not hungry. She didn’t need anything in particular. She just happened to lose her snack cup beneath her blanket and couldn’t find it. The world almost ended. But so did the moment I thought I might have with Damien. Or, maybe, I could have imagined it all. Maybe the moment was only in my head.
I twirl her hair in my hand. She’s got soft hair, like Damien’s. It’s dark like mine, but the texture isn’t the same. I love the feel of it between my fingertips. She’s lucky she’ll never have to deal with the wild and crazy locks that are my hair.
Speaking of luck. She’s lucky she’s so darn cute because this child is a menace to my love life, or lack thereof.
“Hey, girls, you still up?” Damien whispers from the open doorway.
Astria sits up in the bed, confirming that we are, in fact, still awake.
“Daddy!” She squeals. He’s easily her favorite. I understand, I can’t blame her. He’s my favorite too, girlfriend.
“Well, don’t you two look cozy already? Can I have some kisses before bed?” Damien walks over to the bed and stands beside where Astria is lying next to me. I know he wanted to cuddle, but he won’t push it if he thinks he’ll disturb her bedtime routine. I know him too well.
“Daddy stay.” Astria yanks back the covers and pats the spot next to her, which is obviously much too small for Damien’s large frame.
“Mommy is here already. Kisses and then sleep. I promise to bring back surprises when I come home.” Damien tries to cover Astria with her blanket, but I can already tell where this is going. I sit up and start to climb out of bed, wanting to give them the opportunity to snuggle and already dreaming of a hot bath.
“No!” Astria yanks off the blank and grabs my tank top before I can make my escape.
“Daddy and Mommy snug!” Astria exclaims, and I freeze.
Damien looks from Astria to me, where I sit with my tank top askew awkwardly kneeling halfway on and off of the bed.
A look of panic crosses his features. He doesn’t want this. We’ve never been in this situation before. Somebody has to say something.
I try to think of anything to say that will get me out of this room before things become even more awkward. “It’s okay, Astria. Daddy will snug until you fall asleep. Mommy just got your snugs. I’m all full up. Let’s let Daddy have a turn.”
“Daddy and Mommy snug!” Astria repeats, and my eyes widen at Damien.
Why isn’t he saying anything to help the situation? He stands there in his gym shorts and t-shirt, looking even more handsome with every passing day. His hair is down and falls on his shoulders in wavy blond locks. A light dusting of hair coats his sharp jawline. This man is my husband, and it hurts my heart that he’s mine but he’s not. And it shouldn’t. Sometimes I wish I saw him as a big brother. It would make my life so much easier.
“Daddy stay! Daddy stay!”
