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I clear my throat and try not to say anything that I’ll have to explain away later.
“I’m sure, let me get my things together and I’ll come lay Astria down for bed, I want to put her to bed tonight since I’ll be gone this weekend.” I pause her wrist still in my hand. “You sure you won’t come watch me?”
I throw out the question as a last-ditch effort. I know she’s not coming. She won’t travel with Astria, and she won’t travel without her. It’s fine. It was all part of our agreement. Doesn’t matter. I ask her every single game anyway. Truth be told? It’s kind of become a superstition for me.
Astria is getting older, but I don’t want to remind Gia of that for multiple reasons. One, I don’t want to admit that my little girl is growing up too quickly. And two, I don’t want Gia to put an expiration date on our arrangement. I’m not ready for that conversation. I convinced her to stay once. I’m not sure how I’d manage to do it again without admitting how I truly feel. Which is what? Conflicted? Is it lust? Is it love by proximity? Or have I somehow managed to truly fall in love with my wife – my best friend?
I am already well aware of the obvious answer to the aforementioned questions, and that does nothing but create more problems. I’m a solutions guy. Problems don’t fit with the plan.
“You never give up, do you?” She bats her long black eyelashes up at me.
“It’s a big game.” My voice sounds rough for no reason at all.
I’d love to have her there with me, but I don’t want to throw fuel on an already smoldering flame. If Tyler found out she was there with me…I don’t want to think about what might happen. I can’t put the team at risk like that. I can’t put her at risk. He would never hurt her physically, but emotionally – I’m not sure what seeing him after all this time would do to her.
“Don’t remind me. You heard from, T?” She asks casually, like she’s reading my mind. Honestly, given the trainwreck happening in my brain tonight, it’s a good thing she can’t.
“The better question is, have you? I know he tried to call.”
Tyler hasn’t stopped trying to reach out. He calls every so often. If Gia doesn’t want to talk to him, we won’t. If I don’t have her back, who will? She’s the mother of my child. I was in the room with them the day everything went down, and I don’t know how you heal from that level of heartbreak. He broke her. He broke her and she and I had to work like hell to put the pieces back together. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive him for that.
“You know how I feel about that. I’m not ready.” Her eyes widen, but she knows I’d never betray her trust. We’re solid.
“I respect that.” I nod, as I look down at her with a seriousness that I know she understands.
“You’re a good man, Damien. You know that?” She turns her head and lays her cheek against my chest. I hold her and place my chin on the top of her head. Her wild curls tickle my nose. I savor having her in my arms. I wish I could hold her like this forever.
“You’re making me blush.” I tease as I smile into her hair.
“Don’t let it go to your head, big boy.” I can feel her smile against my chest.
“Big boy? You like em’ big don’t you, Click?” The words are out of my mouth before I even realize what I’m saying. My mind races with the implications of what I’ve said. This could go so many different ways.
I brace for her reaction, but she surprises me. She laughs…hard. She giggles and snorts until Astria joins in behind her. The sound of their laughter is contagious. Before I know it, we’re all doubling over in laughter together. Gia’s body shakes in my arms with joy, and Astria’s toothy grin is the cutest image I think I’ve ever seen.
These are the moments that I know we’ve made the right decision. This is why I can’t mess this up with my own feelings.
I want to keep them. I have to keep them.
Chapter Ten
Gia
Big boy. Really? I can’t believe I called Damien a big boy. I need a social media break. At least he laughed about it. That was my only saving grace.
“You were laughing at me too, weren’t you girlie?” I help Astria into her pajamas. She chats away, mumbling things, half of which I do not understand.
I can’t stop thinking about the text Sylvia sent me earlier today, reminding me of her offer to keep Astria for the weekend.
I would need to leave tomorrow. It’s too soon. I’m not packed. I’d have to pack Astria.
It wouldn’t work.
But…he did ask me to come.
Who am I kidding? He always asks me to come. He’s a nice guy. Too nice. He probably feels guilty leaving me here alone with Astria all the time. Which, he shouldn’t. He does so much. Considering I was dead set on doing this whole thing alone to begin with.
It’s funny how life works out sometimes. Not funny in a comical sense. More like funny in a life will fuck you sense, and you can’t do anything but laugh about it…but still. Funny.
