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“Congratulations, mama, she’s beautiful.” The nurse places my daughter gently onto my chest and tears cascade down my cheeks.
The pain from moments ago is replaced with an indescribable euphoria.
Dark black hair and pink skin covered in a thick white film. She’s part Damien, all right. I look up, just in time to see his reaction. His eyes are filled with wonder and adoration as he watches me hold our baby for the first time.
Somewhere off in the distance, I think I can hear the doctor trying to get his attention to cut the umbilical cord, but his eyes don’t stray from mine.
Love. Unconditional love.
I feel it infiltrating every nook and cranny of my heart and body. I’m wrapped up in it like a cocoon. Love that’s no doubt meant for our daughter. His love consumes every ounce of fear and worry that I’ve had over the previous nine months and replaces it with a contentment that I never expected. My heart is so full as this tiny new life squirms on my chest.
She’s really here. I did it. We did it. Partners.
Damien kneels next to the hospital bed and meets me at eye level.
“I’m so proud of you, Click.” The words are a hushed confession as he reaches out and runs his large hand over our baby’s exposed skin.
He watches her and not me. I understand, I get it, and it’s okay. I just need him to love her. If our plans fail and none of this works out the way we’ve hoped, if he’ll always love her like he loves her right in this moment, that’s all I can wish for.
Chaos ensues around us as the hospital staff continues to work. It doesn’t matter, it all falls away into the background as we watch each other. We remain frozen in what feels like the most perfect moment in time. I want to live in this happiness for the rest of my life.
I choke down the tears that continue to overwhelm me. I look back at our daughter, and I see my future. I see her future. Damien was right. He was so right.
I softly hum the song that’s been in my heart this entire pregnancy.
This little light of mine,
I’m gonna let it shine,
This little light of mine,
I’m gonna let it shine, all the time, let it shine.
“Astria,” I say her name aloud as I hear it in my mind. Damien and I never decided on a name. We wanted it to happen naturally, no matter how long that took. But at this moment, I know. I hear her name as clearly as if it’s belonged to her since the beginning of time.
“What?” Damien asks, and I glance back up into his watery green eyes.
“Her name. Her name is Astria. It means star. She’s going to shine so bright, Damien.” My voice shakes. His hand brushes mine as we hold our daughter against my chest.
“Astria.” He whispers her name and tears track down the chiseled line of his cheekbone, landing on the white cotton sheets of the hospital bed.
Chapter Five
Damien
She’s perfect.
I rock slowly back and forth in the faux leather recliner of Gia’s hospital room. There’s a bassinet beside the bed that they prepared especially for her arrival. She hasn’t been in it once. If I were a betting man, I’d bet she won’t touch it before we’re discharged. Not if I have anything to do with it.
Gia finally fell asleep about an hour ago. She’s exhausted. I’ve never been more in awe of another human than I was today.
I snuck into the hall just after Gia fell asleep and asked the nurses not to bother us if they didn’t have to. She needs the rest. I’m running on adrenaline that just won’t release me. I don’t think I could sleep if I wanted to. My eyes have finally adjusted to the darkness of the room.
Our little girl lays flush against my skin. Skin-to-skin is what Gia called it. She said that it would stimulate bonding between the two of us. I don’t need any help bonding with the little girl that already holds the key to my heart. But I didn’t hesitate to lose my t-shirt the moment our very hungry daughter finally decided to unlatch from her mama’s breasts and allow me a chance to snuggle her. She gets her appetite from her daddy.
I never thought being a dad would feel like this. I don’t guess I knew what to expect. This overwhelming love for another person is like nothing I could have ever imagined.
Her hands form tiny fists that she perches up near her cute little chin. Her hair is dark just like Gia’s. She feels so fragile in my arms. So precious and innocent.
