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I put the ring on Julia’s finger even though my own hands are shaking, making our vows official with this glittering representation of our union. The ring is a tribute to the synchronicity of our hearts, and it fits flawlessly, as if it were always intended to be there.
Thanks, Mom,I think, sending up a silent prayer to the woman that I miss so much.The ring is perfect. She loves it.
I jump to my feet, holding out my arms to balance as the dock sways beneath us, causing Julia to giggle through her happy tears. Once the water has settled, I sweep her into my arms, soaking in the heat and weight of her in my arms. My sweet Julia. My fiancée. My future wife.
“I love you,” I breathe.
“I love you too,” Julia whispers back.
Under the twilight sky, we embrace, sealing our commitment with a tender kiss.
TWENTY-TWO YEARS LATER…
29
Julia
As I gazeout the window of my bedroom, my heart feels heavy with a mix of excitement and sorrow. The vibrant morning sun bathes the gardens in its golden glow, illuminating the flurry of activity as the staff meticulously arranges the final details for Andries and Roxanne’s wedding. It should be a day of celebration, a joyous occasion that brings family and friends together. For the most part, it is! Yet, a deep ache settles within me as I have to come to terms with the fact that Sebastian is still absent. His disapproval of Andries’s bride is keeping him away from this important moment in our son’s life. I wonder if he knows just how much it’s breaking me apart inside for him not to be here? This should be one of the biggest shared moments we ever experience as parents.
There’s still time,I think, almost frantic.Please, Sebastian. Don’t let me down.
I watch as the photographers and videographers move around, capturing every precious moment, freezing them in time. I imagine the laughter, the cheers, the tears of joy that will fill the air later, but a tinge of sadness creeps in knowing that Sebastian won't be there to witness it all. He should be here, standing proudly by my side, offering his support and love to our son and his new bride. But Sebastian can’t accept that his oldest child is marrying a former escort, and because of his hang ups, we all have to suffer.
I wonder who is hurting more–me, his wife, or Andries, his son. I know both of us feel his absence like a sore tooth–impossible to ignore. The weight of his absence feels like an invisible barrier between us, a reminder of the fractures in our relationship that still need healing.
When I left home to come to my mother’s house, which had at one time been my childhood home, I knew that my choice could mean the end of my marriage. I kept my head high then, but now it’s becoming so painful that it hurts to even breathe when I’m thinking about him.
I brush a stray tear from my cheek, my gaze fixed on the lake beyond the gardens. It’s moments like these that make me yearn for the connection we once had, the love that brought us together. I long for the understanding, the shared dreams, the sense of unity that seems to have faded over time. The realization that he couldn’t find it in his heart to set aside his pride and stubbornness stings, leaving me with a sense of emptiness.
We all had our doubts about Roxanne and Andries at first, our daughter Elise most of all behind Sebastian himself. But on the lawn I see Elise, wrapped in a silk robe and looking over the preparations with Dan by her side. El looks…happy. Content. Accepting. If she can be okay with Roxanne, why can’t Seb?
Sure, there are reasons behind his resistance. Roxanne is significantly older than Andries, not to mention her past career as a madam and escort, but anyone can see the connection between Ms. Feng and my son. They fought for each other, almost to the point of ruin.
Just like we did years ago, right Seb? Have you forgotten?
But amidst the sadness, a flicker of determination rises within me. I won’t let his absence overshadow the happiness and love that fills this day. I won’t allow his disapproval to cast a shadow on our son’s joy. I will be there, standing tall and strong, representing the unwavering support of a mother's love.
I take a deep breath, allowing the fresh morning air from the open windows to fill my lungs, grounding me in the present. There is beauty all around me, in the blooming flowers, the laughter of the staff, and the promise of a new beginning for Andries and Roxie. I’ll cherish these moments, savor every smile, and create memories that will endure.
As the staff finalizes their preparations, I remind myself that love and unity can still thrive, even in the face of adversity. Sebastian’s absence is a reminder that we are flawed, that we stumble and falter, but it doesn’t define us. We can find strength in each other, in the bonds that withstand the trials of life.
I wipe away the last traces of sadness from my eyes, vowing to make this day a celebration of love. I will be there for Andries, for our family, and for myself. And as the festivities unfold, I will hold Sebastian in my heart, hoping that someday he’ll find his way back to us, to the love that still exists within our story.
I’m shaken out of my reverie by a gentle knock on the door, and I invite the visitor inside. It’s my mother who enters with a warm smile on her face, so much softer and happier than the expression she wore when she told Sebastian and I that we were free to elope. The years have made her more affectionate, maybe, but no one should ever underestimate Margaret Van Dieren, despite her age.
As she stands by the door, Mom takes in the scene happening outside my window, noticing my fixed gaze upon the gardens, and her voice carries a tender concern.
“Darling, everyone is downstairs on the terrace for breakfast,” she informs me, her words containing a gentle invitation. “Don't you want to join us? The photographer and videographer have already started capturing the special moments.”
However, I remain rooted by the window, my thoughts lingering on the past. I turn to my mother, a pensive expression on my face, and pose a question that has been weighing on my mind.
“Do you remember how, twenty-something years ago, you were just as opposed to my marriage as Sebastian is to his own son’s?” I ask, hoping that she doesn’t read the turmoil that is churning inside me.
Mom closes the door behind her, before stepping closer to me until we are side by side. Her eyes meet mine, carrying the weight of memories and understanding, and I feel her hand taking mine in a sweet gesture of comfort. “I do remember very well, yes,” she replies, her tone guarded. “Why do you ask, love?”
A small smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I tease, “Sounds like the two of you have more in common than you thought. Isn’t that funny?”
My mother’s grin widens, a glimmer of amusement dancing in her eyes. She envelops me in a warm embrace, her arms providing solace in a moment of vulnerability. I feel her understanding and love radiating through the gentle touch.
