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“Hey, Pops,” I say, moving to sit in the comfortable chair next to the bed. There is still a grudge between us, and its name is Karl, but I still want to be with my father on these hard days. He might have lied to me for decades, but I love him still.
“Look who finally came home,” he gripes, but the way he reaches out to pat my hand lets me know that he’s just joking. “I figured you might have been mad enough at me that you weren’t coming back this time, but here you are.”
I muster as much of a smile as I can. “Yeah, sorry about that. I was taking care of some things. Let’s not talk about…everything. The nurse said your pulse is low?”
Dad huffs. “Yes, and? I think we all know that I’m not in perfect health, son.”
“Have you been taking your medication properly?” I ask, unable to hide the worry in my tone. Despite the lingering negativity that taints our relationship, I cannot help but be concerned for his well-being. At this moment, I am not just his exasperated son but a caregiver with genuine concern.
“Yes, yes. You don’t have to worry so damned much about me, Seb. I can take care of myself.” We both know it’s a lie, but I don’t correct him. It doesn’t hurt me any to let him hold on to these little bits of control.
“I do worry about you, Dad,” I sigh. “Regardless of what I feel towards you, and whatever lies between us, you’re still my dad, and I’m going to take care of you, whether you like it or not.”
A moment of vulnerability passes between us as I help him sit up in bed, offering a glass of water. The simple act of care bridges the gap between us, if only for a fleeting instant, reminding us both of the shared bond that persists beneath our surface conflicts.
Dad drinks, lying back down with a heavy exhale. “It’s been an entire week since we last spoke,” he murmurs, his tone carrying a touch of remorse. “Are you any closer to moving on from all of this? Or are you determined to be mad at me for the rest of both our lives?”
I pause, annoyed at how he just assumes it will be so easy for me to forget and forgive something as world shaking as an affair child. “I’m talking to you now, aren’t I?”
“Yes, I guess you are, but you clearly don’t want to. Even the nurse is warmer to me than my own damned son.” His frustration comes through so thickly that it makes me cringe. No amount of guilt will ever make me just ‘move on’ from the fact that Karl is my half-brother, but I also don’t want that lie to define my father and I’s relationship from here on out.
“You’re lucky I’m even here.” I find myself saying. “Not only did you hide your affair child from me, but you also wanted to avoid telling me so badly that you almost made me lose the love of my life. I’m here because I love you, Dad, not because I forgive you. So take what I’m offering, dammit, and stop trying to make me feel guilty!”
I can see the surprise on his face, and he lets out a dry laugh. “Forget but not forgive, huh? Fine, I guess I’ll take what I can get. You’re a better man than I am, I’ll tell you that.” His next words lack the acidity of the others, and they make me feel like a fist is squeezing my heart. “For what it’s worth, I love you son. And I want you to be happy.”
“What if it’s Julia that makes me happy?”
Dad takes a few moments to answer, and for a second I think he’s going to tell me just to move on again, except this time, to move on from the woman I love. But, he surprises me. “Then I believe you’ll find a way to make it work, even if I’ve made the road more difficult for you. You’ve always been a stubborn boy, Seb.”
His eyes meet mine, and for a moment, the barriers between us crumble. The sorrow of our shared history bears down upon us, the wounds still fresh, yet in this moment, we find a sliver of reconciliation. Well, I think we both can see that sliver, but whether we will both take it is yet to be seen.
“Margaret won’t bother you anymore,” I reveal, savoring the look of shock that rolls over his face, knowing that I did something to set him free that he never expected. “We took care of it. Your secret is safe with us.”
Silence blankets the bedroom turned hospital as my father absorbs what my words really mean. “She won’t tell?”
I shake my head, and take one of his hands in both of mine. “No, she won’t tell. Even if I marry her daughter, she wouldn’t dream of exposing you, so you can rest easy.”
“Thank you, son,” he murmurs, gratitude shining through as he pats our hands with his free one. “I’m almost afraid to ask how you did it.”
“With the help of Julia and her brother,” I fess up proudly. “Margaret van Dieren is a formidable opponent, and I needed all the help I could get.”
“Well…” he croaks, reaching for another drink of water before speaking again. “I guess that means you and the girl have reconciled.”
“We have,” I confirm, tilting my chin up as I tell him exactly how my future is going to play out now. “And I’m going to marry Julia, Dad. With or without your approval.”
His eyes widen, intrigue dancing within them as he reveals a secret of his own. “She came here to speak to me, your Julia,” he confides, his voice laden with newfound sincerity. “And she seems to be very determined to marry you, too.”
I’m stunned. “Julia camehere? When?”
“Last week. I didn’t tell you because, at the time, I didn’t see a way for this all to work out. I guess I underestimated you both.” He grins, and it reminds me of the strong, sure father I’ve known most of my life. “I think you may have met your match with that one, Seb.”
I snort in amusement. “I certainly hope so. Life would be boring with a dull wife, I would imagine.”
Silence stretches for a minute before Dad speaks again, and there is sorrow hanging on each word of the declaration. “Your mother was like that, too. Quiet, but formidable. I…never deserved the years she gave me. I took her for granted. Don’t you dare do the same with your girl, you hear me?”
I swallow past the lump in my throat, my eyes burning with unshed tears. “I won’t. I cherish her already. Plus, those Van Dieren women…I’m learning that it’s a mistake to cross them.”
Dad chuckles, his eyes crinkling in genuine amusement. “Indeed, that is very true. But Sebastian…even if you hadn’t managed to keep Margaret silent, I planned on telling you this, and would have dealt with the consequences later.” He pauses, and I can feel the importance of the things he’s about to say hovering in the air around us. “I want you to know that you and Julia have my blessing to marry. I can’t ever make up for all the things I’ve done in the past, so all I can do is make the right calls going forward. Marry her, Sebastian. If she’s worth all of this, marry her.”
