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“No, I don’t think that’s true.” Karl turns to me in his chair, his expression even. “Old habits die hard, it seems, but I think that he will come around. Just…maybe you’re going to have to find a different way to approach it. This Julia…she’s worth all this, though?”
Thinking about Julia brings me the first flush of happiness I’ve felt all day, and it eases the pounding in my head. “She’s…she’s worth everything. I just don’t know if there is room for her in my life, no matter how much I want her.”
“It sounds like you really care about her, though.” A small smile flickers on the younger man’s face as he speaks.
When I laugh softly this time, it isn’t quite as bitter, “I do. More than it makes sense to after so short a time, but…yeah, I really do.”
Karl stands up and stretches. I do the same, rolling my neck to try and loosen up some of the soreness within. He looks down at Dad again, an unreadable expression on his face, before shaking his head just slightly. “Your father needs to be careful, or he’s going to stress and work himself into the grave.”
His words strike a chord in me, and I wince. “I’m more than aware,” I grumble.
“Well, at least you will know what to do going forward. And…” Karl reaches out his hand for me to shake, and I do, letting him pull me in for a quick hug and shoulder slap before he releases me. “I’m here for you, Sebastian. Your family has treated me better than I could have ever really imagined, so if you need anything, just let me know. And if you need a best man, I’m here for that too.” His seriousness morphs into a teasing grin on the last sentence, and I feel a flutter of amusement.
I chuckle despite the seriousness of the situation. “Thanks, Karl. I really appreciate your support. My father was right to trust you.”
Karl’s lips tighten, as if what I just said really affects him greatly. “He raised a good son, and I know you’ll make things right with him.”
As Karl leaves the room, I can’t help but feel grateful for his friendship and support. It’s moments like these that remind me of the good in people, and I’m determined to make things right with my father. Julia’s lovely face flashes in front of my mind’s eye, and I have to push down the wave of feeling that rushes over me when it does. Dad first, then Julia. That’s just the way it has to be right now.
But why does it feel so wrong to think that way?
* * *
Try as I might, it’s impossible for me to quickly process everything that just happened. My dad, the one person who has always been there for me, is lying in a hospital bed because of our argument. One petty, stupid argument. And it’s not just any argument. It’s about the woman I love, the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
I try to sleep, just to make the hours pass faster, sitting in one chair and propping my feet up on another, but rest just will not come. I can’t say I’m surprised, but being awake is getting old, fast. I start to think, over and over again, about how I’ve already lost every member of my family besides the man laying on the hospital bed in front of me. My mom, brother, and sister all perished in an attack meant for me, and now yet again, I’m the reason for harm coming to one of my family members. All I can do is hope that Dad pulls through…Mom and my siblings weren’t given that chance.
Fuck…the only person I have left really is my dad, and now I’ve pushed him away too. Maybe even killed him just by opening my stupid mouth. In this second, I feel like I’m all alone in the world.
It isn’t like Dad and I haven’t had disagreements in the past. We’ve had our fair share of arguments, but this one felt different even before the heart attack. The way his face contorted, the clear rage in his tone…this one feels like it’s the end of the line for us. How can we come back from this?
I try to think of a solution, a way to make things right with my dad. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't know how to solve this issue. How can I make him see that Julia is the one for me, that she makes me happy in a way that no one else ever has? How can I make him understand that I can’t just let her go, even if it means losing a part of myself? Margaret shouldn’t matter, and she certainly shouldn’t be someone that can convince my father to tell me what to do, but here we are…
Why did he listen to her? What could Margaret have said to shake my father up so badly?
I feel lost and helpless like I’ve been backed into a corner with no way out. I don’t know what to do, and it’s eating me up inside. I’m so attached to my dad, and the thought of losing him forever is too much to bear. I can’t be alone in this world. Not yet…please, not yet.
I can’t let this argument be the end of our relationship. I just don’t know how to do it yet. First, he needs to wake up. As long as Dad is okay, I’ll make everything else work, I swear it.
With a jolt, I’m shaken out of my spiraling thoughts by my phone ringing. I see Julia’s name flashing on the screen, and hesitate for a moment, unsure if I should answer it. I don’t know if I’m ready to face her after everything that’s happened. Everything before the heart attack–-her mother being at my estate, her talking to my father, me telling Dad how I felt about her…all of that is Julia’s business, though, and she deserves to know the truth if she asks. So I take a deep breath and pick up the phone.
“Hey,” I rasp trying to keep my voice steady and failing miserably.
“Sebastian, is everything okay?” Julia asks, concern laced in her voice.
I take a moment to compose myself before telling her what happened with my dad. I can feel the lump forming in my throat as I explain how he had a heart attack and is currently in the hospital. Julia gasps, and I can feel her worry even through the phone. When I get to the part about her mother being in my father’s study, speaking to him in private, I pause, trying to decide on the fly if I should tell her about it or not. I can already hear the tears in her voice, though…she’s so sweet and full of empathy that it makes my chest feel tight. Despite feeling that she should know everything, I skip that piece of information for now. This is something that needs to be said face-to-face, not over the phone.
“Where are you? I'll come to the hospital,” she says, her voice urgent.
I hesitate, not sure if I want her to come. But before I can say anything, she insists.
“Please, Sebastian. I want to be there for you and your family.” Julia’s voice, sweet and full of care for me, tugs at my heartstrings, but something that she says brings me up short.
“The only family here is my father. He’s all I have left, and you don’t even really know him at all.”
She sputters, and I can feel her embarrassment bleed through over the phone. “Oh God, Seb, I’m so sorry, I–”
“Julia…it’s fine.” I take a deep breath, feeling torn. On one hand, I don’t want to involve Julia in all the drama and tragedy that seems to happen when her family and mine are brought together. On the other hand, I don’t know if I can handle all of this alone. What choice do I really have, though? “Listen, maybe it’s not a good idea for you to come. I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable situation.”
