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“You don’t have to do that,” I tell him quickly, making my way toward him. “Sure, Andries was a little quick on the jump with inviting you, but he and Dan are working it out as we speak.”
He shakes his head. “Dan hates me, El, and it’s clear it’s because of what happened between us. I don’t want to ruin everyone’s vacation by staying here.”
I give a few more steps until I can lay my hand on his bicep, trying to ignore how firm it is. “Johan, Dan overreacted and he admits it. He’s out on the terrace apologizing to my brother right now, like I said.” I grin up at him and try to tease. “I’ll make sure you two get along.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “El, I know I already asked you this yesterday but… are you sure nothing is going on between you and Dan? He didn’t even show up for breakfast.”
The urge to lie and tell him nothing is going on is immediate, but lying has gotten me into so much trouble lately that I resist. Even though I know it will hurt his feelings some, I have to be honest.
“To tell you the truth, Johan, Dan and I have hooked up a few times, but it’s not like we are officially together or anything.”
Johan clearly doesn’t enjoy this information, frowning while he takes my hand from his arm and holds it in his instead. “If you two aren’t really together, why does Dan seem so fond of you?”
I sigh, squeezing his hand, my eyes switching between the floor and his gaze. “It’s complicated…we’ve been around each other for years––since he’s my brother’s best friend. He already cared about me before ourflingstarted.”
His thumb skims over my knuckles, and I shiver as he moves closer to me. “You can trust me, Elise. Don’t sugarcoat anything on my account.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what I want out of that relationship. Maybe I’m just scared, maybe the fact that the last time I said I loved someone and showed vulnerability that person disappeared from my life…”
Johan moves slowly, taking me by the arms gently and running his hands up and down in a comforting motion. “I’m so sorry for that. If I could go back in time, I’d have tried calling your mom or your brother before giving up. I just truly thought you wanted me to leave you alone.”
It’s still hard for me to believe that he let what we had go so easily. I shake my head, asking him, “After the time we spent together, how could you believe that? How could you be so naive?” He opens his mouth to respond, but I realize that it doesn’t matter what he says. The years are lost no matter what. “Stop,” I interrupt before he can speak. “What’s done is done. There’s no coming back.”
Looking troubled, Johan looks deep into my eyes, like he’s trying to suss out the truth in my words. “Are you sure you even want me to stay, or are you just being polite? I don’t want to cause you any more trouble.”
He’s trying to move away from the subject of our time apart, and I can’t really blame him, so I just nod instead. “Positive. I will speak to Dan and make sure he is more welcoming.”
Making a contented noise in his throat, Johan pulls me forward and leans down to plant a kiss on the crown of my head. I feel a blush rushing up my neck right as, at the worst possible moment, a curt knock sound echoes from the open door frame. I jump back from Johan, already knowing who must be there even before I confirm it with my own eyes.
Dan, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed, looks us over before saying shortly, “We’re going to the Blue Grotto. Are you guys coming?”
I’m frozen in place, Johan’s hands still on my arms even though I’ve moved away. Luckily, he answers for us both while I try to get my brain back online. “Sure. Sounds great.”
Dan nods once and leaves as quickly as he arrived. I crane my neck to watch him go, my heart sinking to my feet out of guilt and shame. Johan and I were so close to each other that we might as well have been embracing, and then that head kiss… oh no, I’m in trouble.
Johan must be able to see the stress I’m experiencing because he lets his hands slowly fall away. “I guess I should unpack. Maybe you should, uh, get the itinerary from Dan or your brother for the day?”
I swallow hard but nod in agreement, reaching out to give his hand one last quick squeeze before rushing out into the hallway, heading straight for Dan’s room. I can’t let him think that I’m already falling for Johan all over again, not after he and I have just spent the previous evening together drinking champagne and making love…
Dan has left his door open, too, and is angrily cramming his scuba gear into a carry bag, his expression dark. I’m relieved to see that he hasn’t locked me out, but the way his face looks doesn’t bode well for me.
“Dan, that kiss was just—”
“I don’t give a fuck,” he snaps, not even glancing at me. “I already figured you and Johan were meant to be together. I should have known better, anyway.”
“You’re not even giving me time to explain,” I insist, stepping towards him.
“Whatever, Elise, I hope you both enjoy the island. Maybe you can take him to the private bay I showed you yesterday?”
Indignation surges up inside me and I resist the urge to slap him. “Why are you being such an asshole!” I yell, fists clenched. “Johan and I are just friends with a romantic past, that’s all. I don’t have any interest in him. I… you don’t even deserve me saying this with the way you’re acting, but I’m only interested in you, Dan.”
He wavers, raising his head to look at me, hope flashing in his eyes before disappearing. He snorts, looking back down at his scuba gear. “Of course. That’s why you want him to stay, huh? Makes sense. Or maybe you’re only here to make sure we get along?”
“He’s a friend of the family and Andries likes him. That’s it! For fuck’s sake, Dan, why are you behaving like this with me?”
He throws the flippers on the bed, where they hit with a soft thud as he rounds on me. “Because I think you want him to stay for your own selfish interests. So you can finally see how the rest of the stay plays out for you two.”
Now I’m so close I can reach out and touch him, but I hesitate, seeing how he’s almost vibrating with anger. “I swear that’s not the case. Johan and I are just friends. You’ve got to believe me on this, Dan…”
