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“I know you’re having sex with her, Dan,” Pops deadpans, and I want to sink into the ground and disappear. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it.”
“Okay, fine. Andries is getting all the perks of our friendship, and Elise is getting all the romantic Capri moments, but now I’m on the brink of losing them both even though I’ve given themallof me.”
I’m embarrassed about the emotion in my voice, but I’m glad that if anyone has to hear it, it’s Pops.
“Ah, Daniel. I hate that you have to learn these lessons, but sometimes people may hurt you without even realizing it. I’m sure Elise and Andries are so wrapped up in their own minds that they haven’t even seen how their behavior is affecting you, a loyal friend and romantic partner. I think they’ll come around in time.”
“But what if they don’t?” my voice sounds small.
“They will.” Dad’s voice is firm and sure, and despite everything, it reassures me. “Get some sleep, son, and don’t do anything crazy. That will only make everything worse.”
“Okay,” I swallow past the tightness in my throat, nodding. “Thanks, Pops. Just being able to tell someone really helped.”
“Call me tomorrow,” he says. “I want to make sure you’re doing okay.”
“I will. Talk to you later.”
I hang up and slip the phone back into my pocket. During my time out here in the garden, the sun has sunk below the horizon and it’s nearly full dark. Even though I can hear the party still going on the patio, I decide that I’m just not in the mental place to deal with seeing Elise and Johan around each other. Like my dad suggested, I’ll just go to bed and try to make up for some of the sleep I’ve lost because of Elise and our activities together.
It’s a noble thought, and I’m able to hold onto that plan throughout showering and brushing my teeth, but the moment I crawl under the covers and turn the lights out I’m once more assaulted by all the intrusive thoughts in my brain. The sounds of everyone on the terrace haunt me like ghosts, and I’m likely to drive myself insane trying to pick out Elise’s and Johan’s voices from the cacophony. Is that them laughing together? Or is that her squealing as he throws her in the pool?
Logically, I know there are numerous established couples out there that could account for everything I’m hearing, but as soon as I close my eyes, it’s only the woman I love and her ex that I see.
I toss and turn, desperate to find rest and an escape from the hell that I’ve put myself in. I can’t stop thinking about how Johan, the only man Elise has ever said those three words to, is sleeping under the roof I paid for. Not only that, but Andries knows how much that pisses me off, but he still took Johan’s side and made sure he was able to stay, instead of considering how it all made me feel. I had done everything in my power to make sure he and Roxanne pulled through when their relationship got tough, and he couldn’t even do me the favor of throwing out this guy that he is only acquaintances with. All so he can get back at me for daring to love his sister.
Enraged and heartbroken, I throw the light blankets off of my body and stomp to the bathroom, digging in my bag of things until I find some sleeping pills I had packed just in case. I pour more than the recommended dosage into my hand and toss them back with a handful of cold water from the sink.
With the pull of the sleeping pills now dragging me down, my last miserable thought is how Elise won’t be coming to bed with me tonight. Surely she wouldn’t go as far as to hook up with Johan, would she?
With that terrible visual weighing heavily on me, I finally fall into a fitful, drug-induced slumber.
2
Elise
“You can do this,”I tell my reflection, despite my racing heart and overly palpable anxiety. “People interact with their exes all the time, and it’s going to take more than Johan being here to shake you up. You’ve got this.”
Hands planted on the marble counter, standing on my tiptoes to lean in close to the lit mirror, I’m so out of options to force myself out of my room that I’ve resorted to affirmations. Unfortunately, my reflection doesn’t look any more confident about the day to come than it did at the beginning.
I don’t have to go to breakfast, really, but appearances are everything, and the last thing I want to appear to be is nervous or afraid. It isn’t Johan’s fault that my brother dragged him right into the center of our drama, and I know he wants to spend more time with me.
The bombshell about his number being blocked on my phone has made me rethink, well… everything. It’s made this lost, hypothetical past unfold behind me, and I can’t help but wonder what life would have been like if Johan had always been around. I was more than smitten with him back then, and while the sight of him still gives me butterflies––especially now that I know he didn’t ghost me––I have true, deep feelings for Dan. Not to mention the fact that my brother’s best friend and I are sleeping together. It’s all so tangled up that I don’t even know where to begin untangling it.
I can’t just keep hiding in my suite and talking to myself in the mirror. Breakfast isn’t nearly as tightly scheduled as dinner, but there’s no point in showing up if everyone has already finished eating and moved on. It has to be now or never.
Hanging my head, I take a few deep breaths to reassure myself, and finally leave the safe haven of my suite, straightening my breezy, floral maxi dress as I go. As soon as I’m past the threshold of my door, I can feel myself tense up, but there is nothing to do about it now.
Like usual, I can hear voices coming from the terrace already and figure that’s where breakfast is laid out. A server standing by the door of the terrace is waiting with a coffee cart, and after pausing for a french press cup, I step into the sunshine of the early morning. Everyone is spread out talking and tearing at scones and croissants with their fingers as they do, servers hovering around to refill coffees and mimosas as everyone breaks their fast.
As I'd expected, Andries and Johan are sitting together, looking like they’ve been the best of friends for years and not just distant acquaintances. Since bringing him here was my brother’s idea, it seems fitting that he play host. Neither of them notices me at first, and I tap my foot on the stone floor as I scan the terrace for the only person I really want to sit with this morning. It’s just my luck that Dan is absent.
Flicking a gaze over to my brother and ex, I try to walk the perimeter of the terrace to sit with Lili and Robin, but the sound of my sandals on the ground catches Andries’ attention, and his face brightens.
“Elise! Come sit with us. Johan was just telling me all about the equestrian camp you two attended. Do you know he sponsors the place now so more kids can attend on scholarships?”
“How very altruistic of you,” I say, turning to Johan as I sink into a seat next to him. There isn’t any escaping him now, but I’m actually less annoyed with him than I am with my brother.
Johan seems even more glad to see me than Andries does, and it makes my chest feel tight. He really is so handsome, and when I look at him, I can’t help but think of all the wasted years between us. Who would Johan be to me if things were different, instead of the almost stranger he is to me now?
