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“Maybe she has a sense that I was someone special and not just a random stranger,” he teases. “I have that effect on people.”
“In that case…” What I’m about to do is totally out of the blue, but it just feels right. Dan will be pissed, but he isn’t exactly paying me any attention right now. “Why don’t you come over for dinner when we get back to the Netherlands? I’m sure Hannah and the rest of the family will be delighted to see you again. Especially now that you and Andries are friends.”
Johan reaches over to touch my arm, and I feel a flutter of something inside of me. “I’d be delighted to join you all for dinner. I look forward to it.”
I swallow, sensing that this moment can go one of two ways; I can lean forward and touch him back, maybe even leading to a kiss, or I can back down and we can continue stargazing as just friends. With my mind still preoccupied with Dan and our almost-kiss this evening, I simply can’t imagine pushing forward with Johan. This is a deciding moment, even if it is just a split-second decision, but even with that in mind it’s easy for me to make my choice.
I settle back down on the lounge with a slow exhale. The potential of the moment fades away into the night, joining the sound of the sea lapping against the rocks and the constant hum of the living, breathing city beyond. Johan stays in place for a beat longer, maybe mourning what couldn't be, before he too lays back down.
Johan might not be completely ready to let this all go, though. “I missed this,” he whispers, and even though I’m not sure it’s the right thing to do, I answer honestly to his heartfelt confession.
“I missed it too, Johan.”
It feels like the closing of a book, a chapter of my life, but it doesn’t make me sad. I’m happy, in a subdued sort of way, to be out here watching the sky with Johan tonight after all the drama of the day. Content is the word, I think. He doesn’t pressure me to define our friendship or question how I feel about him all these years later. Johan is just happy to be with me, and be my friend. At least for now.
The night is as clear as it could possibly be, and the breadth of all the stars is almost impossibly huge. We point out constellations and the red speck of Mars, marveling at how it’s all identical to the way it was three years ago. Everything else has changed in our worlds––in our lives––but at least the stars are still the same.
Minutes pass into hours, and it’s so dreamlike that I almost don’t register Johan’s knuckles brushing against the back of my hand. It’s a question, asking if I would link my fingers with his, but with a squeeze of guilt in my heart, I keep still. After a second, his hand retreats.
The energy between us is feeling awkward, so I decide to try and fix it. “My brother doesn’t have many friends, Johan,” I speak into the quiet. “I know I tease you about how much he likes you, but it really is something special that he trusts you so quickly. I’m glad he took you and Dan for that day trip.”
Johan turns and looks at me for some time, searching for some display of emotion, but he doesn’t find it. Finally, he answers with a sigh, “Yeah, I’m glad too.”
After a few more minutes, I can sense that this meeting between Johan and me has run its course. I stand, stretching my arms above my head before leaning over just enough to give Johan a quick kiss on the cheek. He smells like evergreens, and I feel his hands ghost over my sides in an unconscious reaction to touch me, but he lets them fall to his sides without actually making contact.
“I’m heading to bed, Johan, but thank you for this. It was lovely.”
Once more, he looks me over head to toe, a soft look in his eyes. “It really was, Elise. It really was.”
8
Elise
All things considered,I slept pretty well last night and woke up with my stomach growling and the slightest headache building in the back of my skull. It’s another perfect morning, if the view from my window is any way to judge. By the time I’ve showered and I feel a little closer to alive, I can hear everyone on the terrace already having breakfast. My stomach lets me know a second time, even louder now, that we only picked at our dinner last night, and that there is hot food waiting on us if we can only leave our suite.
Wearing a white linen shirt and denim shorts, I throw on a pair of sunglasses and go to join everyone else. Lili, Robin, Johan, and Dan are all here, but my brother and his fiancée are suspiciously absent. Considering how drunk Andries was last night, it’s no wonder they’re both sleeping in. I’m sure he wasn’t the most peaceful bed partner… poor Roxanne.
“Well, has anyone heard news about my brother?” I ask, sinking into a seat next to Dan and across from Lili. The other woman rolls her eyes and laughs.
“Oh yes. Roxanne says he has the hangover of the century, and that they probably won’t join us for quite a while. I’m sort of sad that we missed it all last night! It sounds like it was hilarious.”
I order an espresso and glass of cucumber water when the server comes by, as well as apain au chocolat. I shake my head at Lili’s comment. “I’m sure it sounds funny from the outside looking in, but Andries is a pain in the ass when he’s been drinking.”
“You’re telling me,” Johan mutters into his cappuccino cup.
“Enough about our absent companions,” Robin pipes up, leaning forward and fixing us all with a playful gaze. “Are you all ready for volleyball in the pool?”
I feel the blood drain from my face, remembering how hard I got hit last time. “Volleyball? At this hour? Absolutely not.”
“It’s never too early for volleyball!” Johan adds, clapping his hands together.
“No thanks… I’m good. I’m just going to eat my breakfast. I’ll watch.”
I feel Dan kick me gently under the table. “I bet you are all set after that hit you took last time,” he teases.
I turn my nose up at him, sipping my espresso without even giving him a glance. “Oh, you mean the blow to the head where you didn’t even come to check on me?”
“That’s only because I know that your head is hard enough to take more than a volleyball hit to be hurt,” Dan stands, stripping off his t-shirt and laying it over the back of his chair.
