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HARPER
Ipurposely took asmuch time as possible in the bathroom, brushing my teeth extra slowly and then deciding to set my hair in two-stranded twists overnight. As I detangled and combed coconut conditioner through my hair, I found myself too bashful to look at myself for long in the mirror.
Varus found me out. He learned my secret.
Maybe I was making it into a bigger deal than what it was. Many people abstained or were celibate for all kinds of reasons. I didn’t have a particular reason for staying a virgin until my mid-twenties. The situationships I found myself in before I joined the military just never reached that level of intimacy. Thank goodness.
Was this why it didn’t work out with the tiny number of guys I dated on Earth, because I was supposed to meet Varus? Did I know somewhere in my deep subconscious? Could I possibly have a bond instinct after all?
I rolled my eyes as I completed the last twist. Overthinking it again. Varus damn sure wasn’t a virgin. It couldn’t be this deep. I needed to save my brain power for coming up with the ingredients for the serum, not stressing over my sexual activity.
I turned out the bathroom light and walked into the dark bedroom. I saw the big outline of Varus’s form on the bed. Was he asleep? I listened for snoring. Nothing. I wouldn’t dare tiptoe up to him to know for certain.
Instead, I tiptoed towards the other side of the bed and slipped beneath the covers. He was already hogging most of them. My heart was a bass drum as I stealthily made the attempt to pull the covers my way without disturbing him. I gave a tiny sigh of relief when I succeeded.
"You could’ve just asked."
I plopped my head on my pillow. "You’re still awake."
"I have something new to think about."
"You’re still thinking about what I told you. Or what I didn’t tell you. You know, I always thought of virginity as a construct like social class. It doesn’t really exist except people agreed it does and they collectively act like it means something."
"You don’t think sex means anything?" Humor laced his voice.
"That’s not what I said. I just don’t think you can lose what isn’t really there. You can gain experience, but no one can take away something abstract, or lack of experience. Does that make sense?"
"You really do enjoy being in your head."
"That was me letting you peek inside. I'd like to know what you think."
He rolled over to face my side. "I agree the word is useless. There’s nothing to take away. Although, you still never got to feel your body opening to pleasure."
I wiggled my toes under the covers. "Is self-pleasure a thing on Racopia? Because it is where I’m from. We have toys for that."
"Given my experiences with you, I assume you like males. You’ve never had a male’s cock thrust inside you, driving deep until you cry out."
I yawned for effect. "Crying out sounds painful."
"I assure you, it doesn’t have to be."
Darn it, Varus.I ignored my toes curling and my body tingling. I played it cool, grateful for the sheets and the cover of darkness in the bedroom. "I’m not completely without experience in the dating field. I’ve heard those lines from men on my planet before, trust me. Too many of them brag all the time about how they can make a woman do this or that." I rolled on my left side to face the wall instead of him. "I don’t care how you talk about it. I’m not interested in losing control of my body or making a lot of noise."
"I won’t allow you to feel pain. And I’m not the men from your planet."
My strong attraction to him made me not want to think about anyone else with a cock. I still hadn’t forgotten the sensation of his, rigid and straight, touching my bare skin in the shower.
I gathered a breath. At this rate, I was never going to catch some ZZ's. "Turn over and go to sleep, Varus. If you poke me with your wing or anything else, I warn you. I have very cold feet at night and I’m not afraid to use them."
His rich laugh curled over me like a velvet blanket. "I’m not concerned. As recent history’s shown us, I have no problem warming you up."
***
VARUS
The joke turned outto be on me. I couldn’t fall asleep.
I listened to Harper slumber while I lay awake in the dark, staring at the wall. I was sure come morning there’d be a hole in the stone. I felt just like the cavern wall. Stiff and hard.
