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“And how do you think they’re handling this conflict?”
Again, I shrug.
“You know your brother. And you know his two packmates. One you live with, the other you’re around often, including for the training sessions he does with you. You’ve also come to know the omega your brother is interested in. You’ve seen them all together even, on multiple occasions. What do you think of their compatibility?”
At this I look away, not wanting her to see any of the secrets swimming in my eyes.
“I dunno. I like Mackenzie, and the idea of her becoming family sounds great,” I offer.
“But ...?” Dr. Morgan prompts.
“But ...” I hesitate, searching for a way to explain my feelings without mentioning Lincoln. “This is my first time being around a pack, and other than when I hang out with Micah, Mason, and Cabe, they’re theonlypack I’m ever around. I’m still figuring out how all this works—the whole omega-alpha pack dynamic. There’s so much I don’t understand about myself. About my own instincts, and what’snormalandexpected. Seeing all of that from a pack’s point of view is interesting, but it’s also skewed. I just dropped into their lives a few months ago, but they’ve been a pack for years, so I don’t have all the history there, I don’t understand all the different relationships between them. Hell, the last time I saw my brother before moving here, he was eighteen and NOT a member of a pack. I’m not even sure if that was something he thought about before coming to college. So everything, including him, feels new to me.”
Silence falls between us after my impromptu monologue, and I wonder for a moment if I’ve given too much away. Dr. Morgan makes a few notes before looking at me thoughtfully.
“Let’s talk more about your brother,” she suggests.
That feels like relatively safe territory, so I nod. “What about him?”
“You’ve been coming to see me for about two months now, the same amount of time since you were liberated from your father’s house and came to live here.” She pauses. “During our sessions, I’ve supported you in not digging into your relationship with your brother. Instead we’ve been focusing on building up your coping techniques and processing your trauma in a safe way. But now I’m going to encourage you to dig in a little bit.”
I gulp. Suddenly, this topic doesn’t feel so safe.
“You just said yourself you hadn’t seen your brother since he was eighteen. He left home and came here, to college. And he never went back home? He never took any time to go back and check on his younger sister, even knowing you were living with a man who was, at best, inattentive? Why do you think that is?” she asks.
Despite her matter-of-fact tone, this feels like an ambush. My chest grows tight.
“He ... he thought he was texting with me a few times. He didn’t know my father took my phone away. He didn’t know what was happening,” I defend weakly.
“He didn’t know what was happening,” she repeats back, drawing out each word. “Two years without a phone call. Without ever coming home for a holiday, or for the summer break. Most college freshmen spend their school breaks with their families. What did he do during this time?”
I close my eyes, not wanting to think about it. I’d be lying if I said I never wondered these exact things during the twenty-four months I was trapped by my father. Wondered where he was; why he’d abandoned me. If he was even okay. I’ve always tried my best to shut down those thoughts, especially since coming to live with Leo. It doesn’t seem productive to dwell on something so painful, especially when I’ve finally been thrown a lifeline.
When I don’t answer, Dr. Morgan presses on. “Thanksgiving is next week. Students get the full week off school. What are Emilio’s plans? Have you discussed it?”
“We’re going to go to Tanner’s,” I manage to choke out, fighting against the growing ball of emotion lodged in my throat. “At least for a few days.”
Dr. Morgan leans forward to hand me a tissue, which I gratefully accept. “Is that what he did last year?” she asks.
I nod, remembering them talking about it when we were discussing plans for this year.
“And what did you do last year for Thanksgiving?”
At first, I’m unable to muster a response. What started as a chicken egg-sized ball of emotion now feels like it came from an ostrich, and I’m not surprised to feel tears begin pouring down my face. Given that she just handed me a tissue, I guess Dr. Morgan was expecting this reaction.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I finally manage to whisper. My salty tears are starting to mix with the snot from my nose, forcing me to grab another tissue. Then four more.
“That’s okay, Esperanza. You don’t have to talk about it right now,” she assures me kindly.
A full three minutes pass in silence. Me crying, Dr. Morgan staring sympathetically, the sparkly elephant figurine just hanging out and doing its thing. Oh, the secrets it could tell ...
Two additional tissues and several gulps of tea later, I feel a bit more under control. To her credit, Dr. Morgan sits there patiently, not even taking notes, thank goodness. The thought of being literally evaluated when I’m most vulnerable makes me want to run and hide.
“I can see that this is a very sensitive subject for you. That’s understandable, and we don’t have to rip open the wound right here, right now.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief and nod my head in thanks.
“ButI do want to assign some homework for you over the next week. We don’t have any meetings scheduled until after the holiday, so that should give you some time to really explore your emotions here. If I had to guess, I’d say seeing your brother put so much effort into pursuing a woman, another omega, is tapping into feelings of resentment and abandonment you may be holding onto. He’s fighting with his packmates, that’s how important she is to him. It’s not healthy to hold things like that inside of us, and trust me when I say, they always find a way of coming out eventually. I hope exploring and healing your relationship with your brother is another goal we can add to our sessions moving forward. How does that sound to you?”
