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We spend the next twenty minutes talking about the pack that is courting her, the soothing hum of Tanner getting destroyed atMario Kartplaying in the background. Mackenzie is just a little older than I am, a sophomore at River Valley, but her life is so different from mine. She grew up in a pack in a much less rural part of the country than me. She’s a student, confident in her omega-ness, and being courted by a pack. I can’t help but be intrigued, though I don’t feel at all ready to consider socializing so closely with multiple alphas.
Respect the journey, I remind myself—another favorite phrase from Dr. Morgan, though frankly, I feel like it’s so similar to “it’s a process” that it shouldn’t count.
It’s almost midnight when our little bubble is finally invaded by Silver, and her discovery of the brownies we’d been hiding brings all the boys over as well. Our secret stash is gone in seconds.
Mackenzie and Silver both try to give me their numbers, looking shocked when I admit that I don’t have a phone. Em promises to fix that ASAP, and I say goodnight to the girls with promises to get together again soon. I hope it’s not just platitudes—I really did enjoy spending time with them. Mackenzie especially.
I’ve gotten pretty comfortable around Tanner this evening and I tell him he’s welcome to come back and stay, though I’m secretly grateful when he declines, suggesting we give it a few more days. Em disappears into his room after checking with me that I’m okay, muttering something about needing to sleep so he can get up early to train tomorrow. That leaves me alone with Lincoln for a few minutes while Tanner gathers some clean clothes from his room.
“You’re not a big video-game guy?” I ask, feeling a bit awkward and not knowing how to act around the handsome alpha. I try to push out thoughts of my humiliation at being rescued by him, but it’s hard.
He shrugs. “Sometimes, but I’m just as happy to watch.”
I nod. “I used to play a bit with Em when we were younger, but I never quite got the hang of it. He kept refusing to play on a team with me, and he’d beat me too easily when we went head-to-head,” I share. I’m clearly the queen of small talk.
“I have something for you,” Lincoln finally states after a few beats of stilted silence.
“Oh. What? Shouldn’t I be the one getting you things as a thanks for saving me and all?” I joke awkwardly.Boy, this alpha makes me nervous.
He gives me a soft, adorable smile, and I can’t help but smile back. “Here.” He grabs something out of a bag I hadn’t noticed by the door, handing it over to me.
It’s a hoodie. His hoodie if I’m not mistaken. I take it gingerly, not sure what I’m supposed to do with it. It has been getting pretty cold. Maybe he thinks I need more layers to stay warm?
“Ummm, thanks. It’s not really my size, but ...”
Lincoln laughs, and I can’t help but feel butterflies erupt in my stomach. “My mom suggested it. She’s an omega. I explained the situation to her. Just the basics—I’m not going around gossiping about you,” he rushes to add. “But I figured she might have some ideas. She said I should give you something with my scent on it, to help you ... acclimate. Get used to me, you know? Tanner’s scent is all over his room, so this way you’ll be able to get used to me as well. If you want. No pressure.”
“Oh,” I murmur, my throat suddenly feeling too tight. It’s so ... sweet. I blink rapidly to make sure I don’t start crying. I’ve hit my quota of embarrassment with this guy—can’t afford to pile on more. Not knowing what else to say, I bring the hoodie to my face and breathe in. His comforting scent of salted honey and leather fills my lungs immediately, much stronger than the whiffs I’ve gotten so far. It’s glorious, and I can’t stop my fingers from curling into the material possessively.
“Thank you,” I manage finally.
“Sure thing,” Lincoln replies, looking a bit awkward himself now.
Luckily, Tanner emerges from his room, saving us both from having to say anything more. “Ready, man?” he asks, joining us by the door.
Lincoln nods, and both guys put on their shoes.
“Nice hanging with you, Espy.” Tanner smiles at me and holds out his fist. I smile back as I give it a bump, truly appreciative of how he’s respecting my boundaries. “We’ll see you soon!”
“Have a good night,” I reply, closing the door behind them.
Mission accomplished, I think. I survived an evening around two alphas. It actually went better than I expected, with them both keeping their distance physically and allowing me to start building up a sense of safety around them. Speaking of, I can’t resist burying my nose in Lincoln’s hoodie once more. His scent is warm and masculine and makes my gut clench in a way that I decide not to examine too closely. He’s my pack-in-law, or whatever the proper term is. He’s an extension of family, and his scentshouldcomfort me.
It doesn’t take me long to clean up the remaining plates and glasses and then set up my makeshift bed on the couch. I tuck Lincoln’s hoodie up near my pillow and settle in. I don’t have any trouble falling asleep that night.
9
Esperanza
It’s been a few weeks since our movie night, and not to toot my own horn or anything, but I’ve come a long way. If “come a long way” can be defined as having only a handful of breakdowns and finally allowing Tanner to move back into his own home.
So, yeah, I’m a bona fide rockstar.
Truly, though, I do feel like I’ve made some progress. I’m managing to go outside a bit more, always with Em or Tanner by my side. I’m drawing more. I’ve met up with Mackenzie and Silver and been introduced to Mackenzie’s roommate, Claire. I’m even sleeping a bit better, with fewer nightmares.
Em and Tanner finally convinced me that I needed a sleeping arrangement more substantial than just camping out on the couch, so a few days ago they brought home a little cot bed for me that we managed to squeeze into a corner of the living room, and we rigged up some curtains around it. It’s a tight fit in the small space, but I’ll admit, having even that tiny amount of privacy is kind of nice. I still feel safest when I can hear Em’s breathing (a.k.a. snoring) as a reminder of where I am, but as my anxiety starts to lessen, I’ve found that the enclosed nature of the curtains is comforting.
The thought of trying to make a nest still sends primal fear shooting through me, but the blankets I’ve borrowed are pretty cozy. Not to mention Lincoln’s hoodie, which I’ve kept a close hold of. My pillow has even started to smell like him, and I find it calms me down whenever my anxiety starts to creep in.
