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“Just Cash,” I defend. And there lies one more thing I’m uncomfortable with. Carter and I have never been overly close, but he’s my brother, and I love him. And he’s Jay’s best friend. Why do I feel like he wants me to distance myself from them? Or is it just the James name in general?
The chasm widening during this single conversation makes me wonder how we could ever have a future together. Yet I don’t voice my thoughts. Too afraid to hear his answers.
“What do you want to tell him?” Jay brushes a piece of hair from my face, his thumb stroking back and forth reverently.
I get lost in the depths of his glacier eyes. They’re brimming with warmth, a genuine affection reflected only for me, and suddenly, the cracks I was concerned with moments earlier dissipate. Shrinking and contracting until they’re barely noticeable. This isn’t an easy situation, but he’s trying.
With a half-smile, I place a hand on his cheek. “I want to tell him how I’m falling for the most incredible man. How happy I am. How good it all feels. I want to share all of this with him because I have never felt like this before, and Cash would be thrilled about that.”
Jay’s eyes warm, and his smirk transforms into a beautiful smile. “You make me happier than I’ve ever been too.”
I sigh. Why does he have to be a Hanson? How could something so easy, so simple, so natural, be so difficult? I grab my phone and type out a quick message.
No idea what Frank is talking about. Sorry, grabbing drinks with Sophie. I’ll call you later and see you Saturday. Love you.
Tossing my phone to the seat without waiting for a response, I press my lips against my boyfriend’s. His last name is a problem for another day.
38
THE WARMTH BY INCUBUS
JAY
With my father out of the country for the last week, I’ve been breathing easy. I spent time with Cat without having to look over my shoulder. And I was given the responsibility of day-to-day operations in the Boston office with little oversight.
But as I look out my office window, scanning the cityscape, I can’t help but ruminate over my father’s plan for the James family. What the fuck am I going to do?
My mind turns to the morning that set all of this in motion. Decades ago. I woke early, excited about my school project. My mom made breakfast.
Pancakes.
I haven’t eaten them since.
“Don’t think too hard. You might hurt yourself,” Kevin says from the door of my office.
I turn around and smile. It’s forced. Nothing like the easy way it comes when I’m with Cat. But she wouldn’t smile at me so openly, with so much trust and affection in her eyes, if she knew what my father was up to. What I’ve been up to. She’s close with her brothers. She may not care for her father, but he’s not the only one who will be hurt by this plan.
What the hellisthe fucking plan? I need to figure it out so I can prepare for the fallout.
“Drink?” I ask my friend. Kevin started as an intern at Hanson Liquors along with me. It’s nice to work side by side with someone I trust. Even if he’s Carter’s friend too. He doesn’t spend all that much time with Carter. When my father’s accomplished his mission, he’ll choose me…maybe.
I glare at the bottle of whiskey as I pour us each a finger without waiting for his response. Then he’s beside me and picking up his glass and clinking it against mine, grinning. “Where are we headed tonight?” he asks.
Cat texted an hour ago to say she was going clubbing tonight. Mia has been calling and texting her like crazy. Last night, she said she was coming to Boston and wouldn’t take no for an answer. While I don’t love the idea of Mia and Cat hanging out, I trust Cat, and that’s all that matters.
Before all of this, Mia was my friend too. I still feel for her. Yeah, she’s a mess, but who isn’t?
“I’m exhausted,” I admit. And it’s the truth.
It’s been a long week. After long days at the office, I go home and have dinner with Cat. Her enthusiasm over her projects at Jolie feeds into every conversation we have. She wants this Paris internship with Cynthia more than anything. The idea of being apart for months doesn’t sit well with me, but the look on her face when she gushes about it keeps me from voicing my concern. And I’ll do anything to make it happen for her.
Except I want to be with her when she experiences Paris for the first time. I want to experience everything life has to offer with her.
And when we aren’t talking about Paris, or work, or any of the random thoughts that pop into her head, I’m staying up late making her come over and over again. I can’t get enough of her. Even without sex. We’re taking things slower than she’d like, but I want to make her first time special. And the plan I have for that is epic.
Kevin eyes me. “You’re twenty-four, not fifty. Have a fucking red bull and let’s go.”
I laugh. He’s right. “Feel like going clubbing?”
