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“If you walk out that door, then you’re right—we can’t do this. Take a minute and think this through before you leave,” I say with more confidence than I feel.
He stops in front of the stainless-steel door and plants one hand on the cool surface, his head hanging. Wearily, he breathes in and out several times, his chest heaving with each breath. Will he step onto the elevator and end things for good? If he walks away right now, I’m done. I won’t put myself through another toxic relationship, no matter how confused he is. If we have any shot of making this work, we have to talk things out now.
“I just—” He hesitates as he slumps against the closed elevator doors. “I need a minute to wrap my head around this. Can you give me that?”
“Stay here then,” I plead, tears welling in my eyes. “Take your minute here. I’ll go. Just please, don’t leave like this. Don’t leave me here wondering what you’re thinking. Wondering what you want.”
He turns around and watches me, his hardened expression cracking. I don’t mean to be so upset. I don’t want to be so vulnerable, and I hate that he’s standing witness to these damn tears. I’m so thrown by how we went from kissing each other to this.It’s just a last name.
“If I knew what I wanted, I would tell you,” he says with an edge of despair. “What I want is for you not to be a James. What I want…” He looks away from me.
“So that’s it. My last name—that’s a deal breaker?” I purse my lips, trying hard to control the desperation pouring from me.
He stares at me, and his shoulders sag. “I don’t know.”
26
CHASING CARS BY SNOW PATROL
JAY
This is a fucking nightmare. At a complete loss, I can do nothing but stare at Cat. The thoughts swirling around in my head are fucked up. This entire situation is fucked up.
How could I have not seen the writing on the wall? Why else would she hang out at the James family penthouse?
But how? How is it possible that this woman, the one I want more than I’ve ever wantedanything, is the one person Ican’thave?
There’s only one thing to do right now. Be honest. Let her see my demons. Let her push me away. Because I can’t walk away. I’m in too fucking deep.
But we’ll never work.
This willneverwork.
“You want to know what I’m thinking?” I sneer, dreading what I’m about to do.
She stands tall and tips her chin up. This beautiful woman who doesn’t rely upon her family name, who works in a coffee shop and lives in a tiny apartment with the friend who broke her heart. The woman who’s trying to make it on her own laurels. She stands tall. She doesn’t break before me. She’s a fucking goddess.
Storming across the room, I force myself close even though being near her makes me want to take her in my arms. “I’m thinking,” I say, running the backs of my fingers down her arm, watching as she shivers beneath my touch, “that you’d give me your virginity if I asked, wouldn’t you, Kitten? That I want to fuck Edward James’s only daughter, and you’d let me.”
“Then do it,” she whispers, the repulsion I expected nowhere to be found.
I scowl in disgust. “You deservesomuch better than that.”
I turn my back and heave out a long breath.
Cat grabs at my arm, but I don’t turn. I can’t look at her. She presses her forehead against the middle of my back, and we stand there, frozen, her heat seeping through my shirt, warming me in a way I shouldn’t let it.
“You think you hate my father, but you have no idea,” she says almost inaudibly. “My feelings for you have nothing to do with him, though.”
I spin back, grinding my molars and staring her down. “That’s my point. My feelings are now jumbled together with myhatefor him.” I put a hand to her cheek, the gentle movement in direct opposition with the anger coursing through me. “Kitten, you have no idea what you’re asking of me.”
She tips her chin up, those soft, sad brown eyes pleading, and my heart cracks. “You have no problem being friends with Carter, but you can’t be with me?”
“I don’t want to be your friend,” I answer honestly. “I couldn’tjustbe your friend.”
Cat’s face falls. She knows it too. “Please, just…” she pulls in a shaky breath, “God, I hate sounding so desperate. Just spend the day with me. If you still feel the same way in a few hours, I won’t push. I’ll let you go. Just…give me today?”
Every cell in my body screams at me to leave. My mind knows the right answer.
