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“Not even with Mia?” I ask quickly, my jealousy getting the best of me. And it’s not over my concern for Mia.
Jay shakes his head. “Never.”
“But you’ve experimented with her?” I ask, almost afraid of the answer.
“No,” he says with a firm shake of his head.
I sigh. “She made it seem…”
He grabs my hand. “Kitten, I wouldn’t be trying so hard if I’d slept with your friend.”
“Whyareyou trying so hard?” I ask, squeezing his hand.
What does he see in me? I’ve been rude to him, and I’ve ignored him. The first time we met, I made a fool of myself. And I certainly wasn’t dressed up and gorgeous like the women I’m sure he’s used to. And since then, he’s seen me in business attire, but nothing extravagant. I’m sure women throw themselves at him all the time. He could have anyone. So why me?
He smiles. “Couldn’t explain it if I tried.”
“Try anyway.”
He holds my gaze, his thumb slowly moving back and forth against my hand. “You surprise me. And so few people do. You make me work for your attention. You makeeveryonework for your attention. I’m not sure you even see the way people look at you. You don’t have a clue what effect you have on those around you. When you walk into a room, people want to be near you.Iwant to be near you. I can’t explain it because the way I feel can’t be put into words. If I tried, I’d fall woefully short, but I would say I feel more like myself when I’m beside you than I ever have.”
My mouth falls open in a way that would horrify my prim and proper grandmother. I thought he’d comment on my looks. Or how he liked my curves…
“Obviously, you’re beautiful,” he says, as if it’s an afterthought. “But that’s notwhoyou are; that’s just how you’re packaged. Which I very much appreciate, by the way,” he says with a smile. “Say something, Kitten,” he whispers almost desperately.
“I’ve never kissed a man.”
He stares at me, mouth agape, for several moments. And then he blinks.
“Did I break you?” I ask nervously. Shit. Why did I tell him that?
I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows.
“What are you thinking?” I beg.
“Kitten, you gotta give me a minute,” he says as he swallows again.
“You’re regretting this lunch now, aren’t you?”
What I wouldn’t give to sink under this table and disappear right about now.
“If you think telling me that changed my opinion of you in any way, shape, or form, then let me make myself perfectly clear…I would be fuckinghonoredto be your first kiss. Being that I’m a man, the next line, unfortunately, will soundcrude. But it just dawned on me that if you’ve never kissed a man, you also likely haven’t”—he drops his voice down low—“fucked a man, either.”
I lick my bottom lip as I smile and shake my head. “Such a man. You go and ruin a perfectly swoon-worthy response withthat.”
He laughs and leans back in his seat. “I’m sorry. I think you really did break me. I’ll get the check, and we can head out, okay?”
Unable to wipe the smile off my face, I just nod. “Okay.”
Jay wanders off to say hello to the chef as promised, and I head to the bathroom. I inspect myself in the mirror, wondering what’s going to happen next. Not only have I never kissed a man, but I’ve never kissedanyonebesides Mia.
I’ve never felt a strong enough attraction to another person. That’s probably insane. I made it through two years of college in New York City without so much as a peck on the lips. And during my time there, I never once thought about it. I was too focused on proving that I could do things on my own. I could make it without my grandparents and my brothers. I didn’t need a driver or a chef. And I could make it without Mia by my side. Because the truth was, her betrayal was soul crushing. I didn’t just lose the first person I’d had a relationship with; I lost the trust I had in my best friend. Maybe trust in humanity in general. Miahurtme. So I went to New York and pushed it all aside. I made friends, went to school, and went to parties. I had fun, but I just…I never met anyone who made me feel like Jay does.
I apply ChapStick and fluff my hair a bit. “You don’t have to kiss him,” I say to my reflection. “But you can if you want to. Neither of those things is untrue. He’s not Mia.”
I slip a mint into my mouth and take a deep breath before leaving the bathroom. Jay is at the hostess stand. He’s angled away from me, but I can see the smile on his face as the hostess flirts with him. But I’m beginning to recognize his smiles. The soft ones he wears when he’s listening to me or when he admits how he feels.
The smile he’s donning now? That’s Jonathan Hanson. With me, he’s just Jay. There’s no show, and I really like that.
