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The breeze blows across my cheeks as I settle into the lounge chair on our balcony. The famed white-sand Seven Mile Beach is more stunning than I imagined, and I feel fortunate to be enjoying the incredible view.
The Ritz-Carlton is living up to its reputation with its midcentury British Caribbean style and I can’t wait to explore it with my husband. But first, I need to read the letter from my father. A man that I’ve long cast as both villain and monster. I take a deep breath and slide the paper out of the envelope.
Dear Lina,
If you are reading this letter, it means I was unable to tell you in person how much I love you and how sorry I am that we couldn’t live together as a family. There are a hundred reasons why things played out as they did and not one excuse that makes the situation acceptable.
I didn’t interfere with your mother’s desire to disappear because I knew she couldn’t survive being my wife and all it entailed. When we fell in love and pledged our lives to one another, I assumed we could live far away from my family and not be at risk.
When events transpired that made it impossible, I knew holding on to Inessa and what we had would be my greatest challenge. And one I clearly failed at.
As soon as I took care of one threat, another would pop up. If I did business with this person, that person vowed to destroy all I held dear. It was a never ending game of whack-a-mole. And your beautiful mama paid the price more than any other.
As much as I wanted to hold on to her…and you, I knew it would be nearly impossible. And selfish. Because the only way to ensure your safety was to lock you behind the gates of the estate.
Something that would break both of your spirits.
I knew what my mother was doing from the moment the plan was put in motion, and a part of me was relieved. I did not want to be responsible for my beloved wife’s unhappiness, much less her death, and I knew that if she stayed by my side, that would be impossible.
I thought if you both flew to the US and disappeared that I could eventually join you. When it became evident that the threat would follow me, I slowly gave up that dream.
I am sorry sweet daughter, that I could not be a part of your life. It is my greatest regret, and I won’t insult you by asking that you understand. Because there is no excuse.
I loved you from the moment you entered this world to the moment I left it, and I pray that if there is an afterlife, we can somehow meet because there is nothing I want more than to hug my daughter.
With all my love,
Papa
A tear plops down on the paper and I quickly wipe my face. My father’s words are worth more than the piles of money and I would happily give it all back if it meant that I could hug him and hear him say my name. The pain of what could’ve been feels like a vise around my chest and all I can do is breathe around it.
I look blindly at the blue sea and feel my emotions mix wildly together. So manywhysfight for my attention. Why couldn’t he sell everything and live with Mama and me? Why couldn’t Mama take her medication so the monsters in her head didn’t dictate how we lived. Why didn’t Papa align himself with the moth ruthless Vor and take out his enemies once and for all?
Why, why, why?
Folding the letter slowly, I slip it back into the envelope and let the tears flow.
What matters is now.
Not the choices my parents made or what could have been.
I have a husband who loves me. A best friend who would walk through any storm and a Grandmother who never let me slip away.
Beyond the enormous amount of money, I am rich beyond belief and letting the past go is the only way I can move forward and make the most of my blessings.
“Do you need me?”
Nodding, I hold out my hand. Yuri lifts me into his arms and holds me close as I let the tears fall. “We have to fight for what we have. We mustn’t give up, Yuri.”
He sits on the small sofa and brushes his thumb over my cheek, making sparkly warmth slip into my stomach. “They had all the ingredients for a happy life. But they let it slip through their hands.”
“We won’t let that happen.” He tips our heads together. “I believe in us and what we have, the same way some people believe in God or a higher power. I’m a tenacious son of a bitch and have never given up on anything, so suffice it to say, I will move heaven and earth before I will ever let you go.”
“I’m not as strong as you, but I promise to do my best.” His deep laughter fills some of the cracks in my confidence. “What?”
“Just because you are soft doesn’t mean you’re not a force. Honey and fire are the same color.”
“I’m a force?”
