AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Turning slowly, I frown. “Do I want to hear this?”
He taps his thumb against the steering wheel. “It’s protectively murderous with strong undertones of sappy love.”
“Fuck you.” I ignore the ensuing laughter since we have a lot of shit to do today, and rearranging Vlad’s pretty features won’t fit into the schedule.
***
I drag my feet into the building and see Fedor sitting by the elevator. “You can head home.”
“Did we lose any men?”
“No. But it was fucking close. Two are in the hospital and have a long recovery ahead of them.”
“I am ready. Tell me when and where.”
“You are here. And have one of the most important jobs.”
He nods, and I know that’s not the answer he wants to hear. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Yes, Avtoritet.”
Taking the stairs two at a time, anger and frustration fight for dominance in my gut. When I hit my floor, I let out a long breath wanting to leave as much of the blood and death outside our home.
I press my hand against the pad and know that a shower needs to happen first thing. My wife doesn’t need to see the blood and grime covering my body and soul.
The door slides open slowly, and I enter our loft, seeing a foil-covered plate on the island.
An unfamiliar spark of light pierces my dark soul. “Fuck me.” Perhaps this marriage will make me human.
I walk toward our bedroom and see the light seeping beneath the door. Did my wife stay up? When I enter, I see Lina with a book in her lap. She stares at me with worried eyes, and I know I can’t yet speak with her.
The monster still roars too loudly in my head, so I walk past her into the bathroom.
I shower twice as long as I usually do and pray washing the blood from body and mind is possible. The undercurrent of anger and violence is strong, and until it loosens its grip, I will stay under this scalding water.
Lina’s heart is too pure to be tainted by what burns in my soul, and the last thing I want to see is disgust in her beautiful eyes. I pick up the soap and begin the long process of cleaning my body of its sins. If I’m lucky, Lina will be asleep by the time I finish.
Forty minutes later, I drag my tired body into bed and feel my wife’s gaze on me.
“Is there anything I can get you?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see her nipples press against her white T-shirt. Conflicting emotions burn in my chest. I need an outlet for the tension, a reminder that I am more human than monster.
I watch her small hand cover the one that gutted a man two hours ago. Would she stay with me if she knew? “I almost lost men tonight. We were ambushed.”
There is more I can say, but I won’t. She should keep her vague ideas about me. Facts will only make her recoil. Her hand traces the tattoos on my wrists, and as much as I want to find solace in her innocent eyes, I don’t want to show her the darkness in mine.
Keeping my eyes trained on the ceiling, I breathe slowly, hoping it will expel some of the rage. “The Albanians got cocky and tried to interfere with business.” A sanitized version of the fucking mess we fought our way out of. “They tried to send my men to hell but didn’t succeed.”
Lina’s hand moves to my chest. “How can I help you?”
I breathe in her familiar scent and know she is offering her goodness and light. Something I’m not worthy of since all I want to do is fuck the anger out of my system. To burn the fire with more fire.
Turning, I take her face in my hands. “I need you.”
“Yes.”
No hesitation.
