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“Are you dressed,Paisley? Shoes and all?” Mateo asks.
“Yes. I’m so glad we found this restroom here before we started hiking. I needed to use the restroom, and I needed to change my clothes,” I tell him.
“Well lucky us, then, right?”
I throw away the bag that has my clothes from earlier in it and look in the mirror above the sink. Splashing some cool water on my face to give it some color, I head back out to the guys. Seeing them all together, waiting on me, just does something to me. The feelings they give me make me giddy until I remember that it could all come crashing down.
Then I have to remind myself that it’s okay to be happy. I’m allowed to like this feeling.
“Let’s get going. I know it’s still morning, but I’d like to get to the place sooner rather than later and set up camp for the day,” Atlas yells over his shoulder.
Sigh.
I start following behind him, since I know the others are behind me and are going to wait until I go.
* * *
Hiking takes a long couple hours. I have to stop several times because I keep tripping, but the guys take it in stride and stop with me without complaining. If I could swoon harder, I would. If I had any walls left to crumble down, they would be obliterated by now.
“Sorry, guys. I hate that we have to keep stopping. We’d probably be there already if I was in better shape,”I sign to them.
I had to start signing while hiking. I couldn’t keep my breathing under control, and it was messing with my lungs and throat and it kept hurting to talk. I hate that I had to go back to signing to communicate, but I also know I need to do what’s best for me at this moment. I know it’s not permanent, and I still communicate with Luca via ASL. It’s just a hard adjustment when I’ve been talking to them since before the hospital. I also know they would never shame me for signing. I’m just in my head right now.
“It’s okay, mi amor,” Mateo tells me. “It’s not your fault. If your mother would have treated you better, you would have meat on your bones and probably have more muscle tone, but since you barely ate anything and you are currently riddled with bruises and a broken arm, we expected to have to stop several times. It’s one of the reasons, I suspect, that Atlas wanted to start hiking so early. He wanted to give us as much time as possible to get up to the spot.”
I nod my head, gulp some water down, and take a few deep breaths. Finally ready, I stand up.
“How much longer?”I sign to anyone looking.
“Dude, Paisley wants to know how much longer,” Kade asks his brother, who is several steps ahead of us.
“About five more miles. I know it sounds like a lot, but I believe in you, Paisley. If you don’t think you can do it, please let one of us know. We will carry you the rest of the way, okay? We will rotate if we have to,” he says firmly, looking into my eyes, since he walked back to face me.
I nod shamefully.
I won’t let them carry me. Even if it takes me all day to get there, I won’t let them. I’ve said this before but I want to be strong for them. How can I be a good girlfriend if I can’t even be strong for myself? I need to be strong. This is just one obstacle I need to face.
Looking back, I see all of my guys smiling at me, and it encourages me to keep pushing myself to go further. I take one step at a time, and I keep going.
After a few more stops—okay, more than a few—we finally get to where we were planning on going. I see a very clear field. It looks like it’s been beaten down over the years. It also looks perfect for tent camping. Now that I think about it, I wonder how they knew this was here.
I wave my hands around trying to get someone’s attention, and my eyes land on Luca.
“How did Atlas know this spot was here?” I sign.
He shrugs while signing back to me, “We Googled it.”
I start laughing. I didn’t think it would be as simple as them Googling the location. But I guess it makes sense. They didn’t have any camping gear beforehand. That was my fault for assuming they knew about this kind of stuff ahead of time.
“I have never hated being deaf until I met you. I can’t hear your laugh, or your voice. It makes me jealous of my brothers. Though, we have a connection that they don’t,”he signs.
I can see in his face how sad he is about not being able to hear my laugh.
“Come here. I have an idea,”I sign enthusiastically.
“Why? What’s going on in your brain over there, Pai?” he signs back.
“You asked me to trust you. Now I’m asking you to trust me. Get over here,” I sign. “Now put your hand on my throat, and I want you to tickle me.”
