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Risking everyone seeing me, I sign, “I don’t want to be near you right now. Leave me alone.”
He looks hurt, but honestly, I don’t care. I know he doesn’t understand why I’m hurt, but it doesn’t change the fact that he hurt me. I know, ultimately, it’s not his fault. I shouldn’t blame him. I was just starting to shed a little layer and then I saw he was talking about me to his brothers.
I have no clue what was being said, as I only caught my name before I turned my head. I didn’t want to see any more, because it felt just like before.
* * *
She called me a liar and a whore. She threw me into the closet, knowing I was afraid of the dark.
The next morning, I’m allowed out of the closet. I was so scared all night, but I eventually cried myself to sleep. Then I’m allowed to go back to school. That’s when it starts.
As I walk into the school, everyone is whispering behind my back. I’m the center of attention, yet I still walk past them.
I tell myself it’s okay. My best friend will still be on my side, right?
I see Quinn over by the swings, so I walk over there, happy that I have a friend after what happened.
“Hey, Quinn. I missed seeing you these past few days,” I say as I make my way over there.
“Mommy told me to stay away from you, Paisley. She said I shouldn’t be friends with whores,” Quinn spits out.
Then she does something I never thought she would do. She smacks me across the face.
“Miss Isabella, what’s a whore?” I hear Phil ask.
“Phil, you shouldn’t be asking those types of questions,” Miss Isabella says. “Now, Paisley, you are to go to the principal’s office and tell them you caused a disruption in class. This wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t here.”
“But I didn’t even say anything, and Quinn just hit me,” I whine.
“I don’t care. I’m tellingyouto go to the principal’s office, not her,” she demands.
With my head hung low again and crying, I slowly make my way to the office, except I don’t stop. I keep going and head to the library.
Why is everyone so mean to me? All I did was tell the truth.
* * *
Coming out of the memory, I realize I missed the lecture. Looking around, I see Mrs. Embers is coming over to me. I sign “nurse,” and she gives me a look.
I shrug. I know that Mrs. Embers knows I know ASL, but the other students don’t. They never gave me the chance to show them, and before Luca and the guys, I never had anyone to talk to besides Mrs. Embers. But that’s for class, so it’s a little different.
As I gather my stuff up, I look over to Luca and Kade, who partnered up with me, and they both have pained expressions on their faces. I somewhat expected it from Luca, but not Kade. I haven’t had as much interaction with Kade as I have with Luca.
Walking out of the classroom, I take a deep breath. It’s not very often that I feel safe walking these hallways. These halls have always kept me on edge. The kids here never forget. It’s been ten years, and I still get hate letters in my locker.
Needing some fresh air, which is why I wanted out of fourth period, I head toward the back door, which will lead me to the track and field. I have to pass by several classrooms and shop classes. Out of the corner of my eye, I happen to see Mateo and Atlas in Mrs. Summers’s Spanish class. Mateo just happens to catch my eye as I stare at him. I see a genuine smile, and I smile back.
Starting to blush, I quickly run—run being a figurative word since I’m still covered in bruises, especially on my ribs—past the door. As soon as I’m through the open door, it’s like the weight that was on my chest in class has lifted.
I take a deep breath and fill my lungs entirely and hold it for what feels like forever. Eventually, I feel that telltale sign that I need to release that first breath and I release it as slowly as possible. I read that in some book this is supposed to help ground you in the here and now.
When I get to the field, I’m out of breath. I want to pull off my jacket, but I can’t risk anyone seeing the bruises, so I just lie in the grass. It is uncomfortable since it’s hot outside, but I refuse to go back to class and deal with them. I know I need to calm down and explain to them why I’m so upset, but I just need to take some time and let my anxiety dissipate.
“Why are you out here all alone?” I hear a voice coming from behind me.
Jerking up—which wasn’t a good idea, because I flinch in pain—I start freaking out about why Mateo is out here. But before I get a chance, he puts his hands out in a surrender type of way and starts walking toward me slower.
“I just noticed you were out here by yourself and wanted to keep you company. I don’t want anything in return except to just sit out here with you and enjoy your company. No conversation, nothing you aren’t willing to give without prompting. I want this to be a chill time for you.”
