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“Don’t do this to me now. Not when I’ve fallen in love again. Do you hear me? After my parents died, after Rafael died, I felt nothing. It was you who made me feel something again.”
I reach out and grab his jaw with both hands. For the first time in a long time, I open up completely. I need to bring him back into our world, close to me.
“I love you. Let me help you, let me make you feel something in turn.”
He puts his big hand on mine. “I am completely numb. I feel nothing, Iris.”
“Not now, not for a while. But Tucker…I…”
He pulls my hands away from his face, gently.
“You deserve better, Iris. You’ve been through too much, too. You deserve someone who will love you.”
“But you love me,” I whisper, a lump in my throat. I try to hold it in, but my tears run down my cheeks. After all these days, I finally let go. I’m not hiding anymore, my lips are trembling softly. “I know you love me,” I continue a little more forcefully. “And you’re punishing yourself. You refuse to be happy because you think you don’t deserve it. You think you’re partly responsible for Debbie’s death. You’re hurting yourself. But you’re also hurting me, Tucker.”
Tucker puts his mouth on mine for a second but doesn’t answer me. But he doesn’t need to. I don’t like this. His kiss…it’s like a goodbye kiss. He thinks he doesn’t deserve his happiness, but he’s wrong.
He pulls away and walks to the door.
“Don’t do this.”
My voice breaks on the last word.
“Don’t do it,” I repeat. “If you break what’s between us tonight…you’re breaking me too, damn it.”
He turns to me, a sad little smile on his face. “I could never break you, babe. Not me, not any man. You’re the strongest woman I know. Go home and don’t come back.”
And he walks into the house, abandoning everything.
Abandoning me.
“I love you,” I whisper again. “Don’t do this.”
But he’s not there anymore. I’m alone on the front porch.
Once again, love is not enough.
50. Drop the Masks
Iris
Getting up, going to class, going home, sleeping. Having a lump in your throat.
And do it again.
Again and again, trying to forget the pain. Trying to get past this feeling that tears me apart inside.
I’m tired of pretending. I just…want this pain to go away. My conscience had warned me though. I shouldn’t have fallen in love again. Love brings happiness but can take it away at any moment.
So why did I fall in love with that damn bastard? Why did he trample on my heart? Why does love hurt so much?!
The rational part of my brain gets in Tucker’s shoes, understands why he did what he did, but the other part wants to shake him until his teeth rattle and he suffers as much as I do. I didn’t plan on falling in love when I came to this damn town. Tucker chased me for weeks. I fought it, then succumbed. And before I even realized it, he had made a place for himself in my heart. Until I broke it last week. And yet, I still love him.
I hate this feeling, but I know for a fact that it won’t go away anytime soon.
Yeleen has been texting me nonstop for the past few days. I wonder if she knows that Tucker has dumped me like a hot potato. I hope in my heart she’s yelled at him.
I’ve tried to think of something else, to get him out of my thoughts. But part of me hopes he’ll text to apologize or to talk.
