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“The chemotherapy,” Liam said, gently. “Whatever made your hair... you know...”
“Oh! Because I’m bald.” She nodded her comprehension, then grimaced, her hand flying to the back of her head. “That really smarts!”
“And we were trying to locate your next of kin,” Bran said. “But now that you’re awake, you can just tell us who you want us to call.”
“Why do you need my next of kin?” Fear filled her eyes. “Am I dying?”
“You just have a concussion.” Liam reached for her hand, but she yanked it away, folding it under her other arm.
“Did I fall off the snowmobile?”
“Oh boy,” Bran murmured as he turned to exit the room. “I’m going to tell Dr. Kemp she’s awake. I’ll let you tell her what happened.”
“It was after we went snowmobiling.” Liam stalled as he watched Bran make his way out the door, hoping he wouldn’t have to spell it out. “Do you remember when I was trying to drive away, and you were banging on my window, trying to stop me?”
She gasped, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth, and tears flooded her eyes. It must’ve come back to her. “You were drinking!”
Drinking? Did she think the kombucha was alcoholic?
“No, Carly. I don’t—”
“I couldn’t let you drive drunk. I had to stop you!”
“By jumping in front of my car?” The horror of that moment washed over him again.
“How could I live with myself if you had died because of me? I already let that happen to Ben.” She let out a wretched sob.
He bent over the bed and caught her hands in his, pressing them to his heart. “If anyone was to blame for Ben’s death besides Ben, it was me. How could I have lived with both of your deaths on my conscience?”
She shook her head, wincing. “I wanted to blame you. I wanted to blame anyone besides myself. But I was in love with you...”
Someone threw a bucket of cold water in his face. “In love with me? But—”
“I know it was just a silly schoolgirl crush, but it felt real to me. And that night I chose to lie to my dad, thinking you might like me if I kept your secret. And—”
“You couldn’t have known—”
“Let me finish...” Her throat worked as she swallowed. “I know it wasn’t just me. Other people share the blame. But I couldn’t mar Ben’s memory by holding it against him. And my lie ended up ruining your life, so I couldn’t blame you either. I was the only one left.”
Chest aching, Liam let her hands go to brace himself over the bed. He leaned down to touch his lips to her forehead just below the white-cloth bandage. He hadn’t let himself think about those events in a long time, but the memory was as fresh and raw as the night it happened.
“I’m so sorry, Carly.” His voice cracked. “I’m sorry for everything.”
“No, you don’t—”
He shifted his weight to one hand and pressed a finger to her lips to silence her. “The accident took as much from you as it did from me. Even more. Your life has been paralyzed with blame you never deserved.”
“I was fine.” She sniffed. “I’m a strong person. I’ve been a grownup ever since my mom died. But Dad... he couldn’t handle it. It messed him up when Mom died. And when he lost Ben, Dad lost his will to live.”
“Your dad passed away?”
“He’s still breathing.” She stared out the window, into the dark. “But he wishes he wasn’t. I’ve tried to be the best daughter I can be... you know... to make up for it. But I can never replace Ben.”
Liam pictured her as a fourteen-year-old, mourning her brother’s loss and feeling at fault for her dad’s despondency.
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Carly. You can’t be responsible for everyone else’s happiness. Who’s taking care of you?”
“I told you, I’m fine. Nora’s been good for me. She makes me exercise and eat healthy food. And I’ve felt better about myself since I started my doctorate research.”
