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“I know it will hurt to see the pain in his expression. It will be excruciating if he decides you’re scum and kicks you out of his life. But at least he’ll be the one doing the rejecting. That way, he can regain his dignity and self-respect.”
“You’re right.” Carly’s chest tightened until her lungs throbbed. “I deserve to experience his anger. I shouldn’t have lied to him.”
Just like I shouldn’t have lied to my dad the night of the party.
“Tell him as soon as you can, Carly. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. Confess the truth before he takes another chance at kissing you again.”
“Okay.” The room blurred in Carly’s watery vision. She blinked, fanning her fingers to dry her eyes.
“Tell him, Carly. Explain everything before he figures it out on his own. And maybe… just maybe… it won’t be as bad as you think. Maybe you can still be friends. Or even more.”
“Don’t say that,” said Carly. “If I let my mind go there, it’ll hurt even worse when he rejects me.”
“No matter what happens, you can handle it. I believe in you.”
“Thanks.” Carly couldn’t hide the hopelessness she felt inside.
“If Liam rejects you, we’ll spend next weekend watching sappy movies and eating brownies.”
“That sounds perfect.”
A perfect way to be miserable.
Carly gave in and let the tears roll down her cheeks.
* * *
The morning workoutsession was as torturous as the day before, with Carly straining not to gawk at Liam. Watching a guy working out had never affected her like this before, making her more breathless than her strenuous exercise. Probably because most of the guys she’d seen preening and pumping iron in the university gym were showing off like ridiculous roosters. On the contrary, Liam’s amazing display of muscles also served a practical purpose, since he depended on them. And he was as much the opposite of conceited as a man could be.
After a shower, she hid out in her room, intending to work on her thesis. But her mind kept wandering, re-experiencing every moment with Liam. Especially the kiss that shouldn’t have happened.
Liam had said that kiss didn’t mean anything. Though hearing him say those words had been painful, she was sort of relieved he felt that way. If his feelings were casual, he wouldn’t be as hurt when she revealed the truth.
After lunch came the snowmobile adventure. Carly was more worried about being so close to Liam than she was about the intensity of the ride. And her fears were validated.
Even through layers of puffy winter coats, she could feel every muscle of his back flexing. And her gloved hands could easily discern the firmness of his chest and abdomen.
She attempted to lean with him into the turns, determined to be the ideal passenger.
Why did she care what he thought about her riding abilities? Didn’t she want him to stop liking her?
Yes, but not until later. She wanted to enjoy her fantasy as long as she could.
CHAPTER 16
LIAM
Considering it was the sixteenth anniversary of the accident, it hadn’t been a terrible day. Usually, Liam would have felt bogged down, reliving the horror, the anger, the guilt. But being with Carly made it easier to subdue the haunting memories.
Racing along the trails in the blanketed wonderland, he relished the speed and responsiveness of the snowmobile’s turbo engine. He deliberately throttled up as they topped the low rise. Yes, he enjoyed the way Carly’s arms tightened around him each time the snowmobile went over a bump or surged around a turn. It made him feel powerful again, a sensation he missed. And he could feel Carly’s trust in the laughter that followed each squeal of delight and in the way she relaxed against him on the straightaways.
She was beautiful, inside and out. And she didn’t treat him like he was different from every other man out there. Carly seemed to admire him rather than feeling sorry for him like most people did. With Carly, conversation was easy. She didn’t make him feel awkward.
Carly and he seemed compatible in so many areas, even in their career interests. Yet he knew she was holding something back. She still hadn’t revealed whatever enormous error she had supposedly committed, and he wondered if it was simply an excuse to keep her emotional distance.
Despite the passion she’d displayed in their kiss, something was blocking her from considering even a continuing friendship, much less a more serious relationship. She seemed as anxious as ever to get away and had rebuffed any suggestions he’d made about remaining in contact.
Why couldn’t he accept that she simply wasn’t interested?
