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Even if it stings.
“Nora, if I confess something, will you promise not to tell a soul for the rest of your life?”
“What? You dare to question my secret-keeping ability? I still hold confidences told to me in kindergarten. You can ask Marilou Applebaum.”
“Okay.” Carly sucked in air, expanding her ribcage. “Please don’t judge me. Here it is...”
The story spilled out, but more slowly than when she’d told Fordham, with Nora stopping her to ask for clarifications. Carly told her everything, from her magnetic attraction to Liam and their awkward interactions on the plane, to the lie she’d told the night of the accident in hoping to win Liam’s affections.
“This explains a lot.” Nora tsk-tsked her disapproval. “I think this is why you’ve been stuck on Liam for sixteen long years. You couldn’t stand the idea that your brother was to blame because that dishonored his memory. And if you couldn’t blame Ben for his decision to drink and drive, you couldn’t blame Liam, either. You had to blame someone, so you blamed yourself. You were the perfect scapegoat.”
Carly had expected Nora’s condemnation for the lie... or at least her disappointment. Nora had missed the point.
“Were you even listening? I said it wasn’ttotallymy fault. I know my brother shouldn’t have driven drunk. We shared in the responsibility.”
“Yet you make every excuse in the book for his drunk driving and cut yourself zero slack for not tattling. How is that fair? Those guys were two years older than you. They didn’t just tell a lie; they broke the law. When they got in that car, they risked not only their own lives, but the lives of other innocent people. And even if you had told your dad where they were, you don’t know if he could’ve gotten to them in time to prevent the accident. How can you be angry at yourself and not be mad at your brother? How can you heap so much blame on your own head and not give any to Liam?”
“I...” For the first time since the night of the accident, Carly felt uncertain about her brother’s culpability. And Liam’s.
Her eyes stung, but she refused to cry. “They were good guys. They’d never even tasted beer before that night. The football team had just won a big game, and the seniors were throwing a party. Ben and Liam weren’t the only ones who drove home drunk.”
“Sweetie... good people make bad decisions every day. The fact that Ben and Liam made a bad choice doesn’t make them bad people. But it was still their mistake, not yours.”
All the feelings of that fateful night came rushing back like it had happened that day. The shock. The denial. The horror. Seeing her father fall apart and realizing she was the one who had to hold it together.
“It’s true. Ben should’ve known better.” Carly forced air through her frozen throat. “We’d already lost Mom. Why would he do something so stupid? We needed him, and he left us.”
The night Ben died, her father’s spirit went with him. And Carly had been alone ever since. The moisture puddling in her eyes blurred the room.
No! I haven’t cried since the night Ben died. I refuse to break down now.
She swiped the back of her hand across her eyes.
“You’re right.” Nora’s tone gentled. “Ben made a big mistake. He was a dumb teenager.”
Carly nodded, her pulse racing. “He and Liam were both dumb. But I can’t hate Liam for his part in all this. He’s already paid a horrible price, losing the use of his legs.”
“You don’t have to hate him.” Nora’s voice soothed like a warm blanket. “It was a horrible accident; no one has to be a villain. But let yourself be mad enough at those teenage boys to stop blaming yourself for what happened.”
She knew she would never stop blaming herself, even if she tried. But that wasn’t the real problem.
“What am I going to do? I think Liam likes me.”
“You could always try the truth,” Nora said. “Tell him who you are, and see what happens. He sounds like a nice guy.”
“I thought you didn’t like Liam.”
“I don’t like your fantasy-Liam—the perfect guy you immortalized way back when. But I don’t have anything against the real Liam... if you find out you like him.” She lowered her voice to a suggestive rasp. “Especially if he’s as hot as you say he is.”
Warmth curled in Carly’s belly, remembering how it felt when he held her hand. She could only imagine what it would be like to kiss him.
Except it’ll never happen.
“It doesn’t matter. When he finds out who I am, he’ll hate me.”
“You’ve always said Liam hates you, but I don’t believe it. That lawsuit wasn’t Liam’s doing. It would make more sense for him to feel guilty for his part in your brother’s death than angry at you.”
The realization hit her like a wrecking ball, and she gasped. “You’re right! And he’s such a nice guy, he’d probably date me out of pity. I have to drive him away for his own sake.”
