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Tatum sighs, setting the curling wand down on the table next to her before wrapping her arms around me from behind and resting her chin on my shoulder. “I think you just have to decide what you want, Care. It seems like he’s laid it all out on the line for you, and you did kind of run, babe. Not that you were wrong. I’m definitely on your side no matter what, but it sounds like you need to take some time to think through things before making any rash decisions.”
“I just felt blindsided, and I still kind of do. I’m trying to sort through all of the stuff he threw at me at once. We never talked about this being anything more than casual, and he didn’t even give me a chance to wrap my brain around it. And the worst part is that I miss him already, Tate. I miss him so fucking much, and I feel like that meanssomething, right?”
She laughs, standing. “I think sometimes it just takes a little while for our head to catch up with our heart. Either way, it sounds like you have feelings for Hudson. Not just that he’s your dick appointment and gives you great orgasms.Realfeelings. And those are messy and complicated at times.”
I sigh, the weight of the last day feeling heavier by the second. “It’s just… I’ve never actually had that. Never had a real relationship before, and this all feels brand-new to me. Plus, it’s not like I’ve actually had a great example of what a stable, loving relationship should actually look like, so I don’t even know what that is.”
“I know, babe, and I feel like that’s why more than anything, you need to think about what it is that you want. Clearly, you care about Hudson and don’t want to hurt him, so it’s only fair to him to take your time to sort through your shit. Which… you can dotomorrow. After a night out having fun with me and our friends. You need to clear your head and start fresh.”
“Wow.” I shake my head, standing from the beanbag. “This was a good talk, Tate.”
Her shoulder dips slightly. “I read a lot of self-help books when I’m bored.”
My head falls back as a laugh escapes me. The first time I’ve laughed in what feels like ages, even though it’s been less than twenty-four hours since I left Hudson’s. But it feels like the longest day of my entire life.
And I think Tatum is right. About all of it. I need a night out with my friends—maybe that will pull me out of this funk and put me in a better headspace to have an actual conversation with Hudson. Because the one thing I do know right now is that I’m not ready to let him go.
“You know, I think you’re right, Tate.” I smirk, tossing my hair over my shoulder and taking another glance in the mirror. “I think a night out will do me good.”
“That’s my girl!” she says as she makes a beeline for her closet.
Once Tate finishes her makeup, a dramatic red lip that pops with her dark hair, we grab our purses and start the trek to the party along with a few other girls from the house.
Zeta Alpha is only a few houses down from Beta Pi, so it’s just a quick five-minute walk to the large, looming white colonial-style house. There’s a large banner stretched across the front two pillars that says “Zeta Life.” People are already scattered across the front yard and the driveway, loud music booming down the street.
“Ready?” Tatum asks, looping her arm in mine.
I can’t say that I’m really excited to go tonight, but I didn’t want to let her down by flaking at the last minute, and she’s right… If I stayed in the house, then I would just watch reruns ofGilmore Girlsand cry into my ice cream, and it’s a proven fact that shit never helped anyone.
I justmissHudson. But I know I need to figure out what all of these feelings mean for us.
Even though I’m completely thrown off by everything that is happening, I just… I wish we could go back to how things were. To when we were having fun, and everything just felt right. Like it was supposed to. I’m not sure that’s even possible. But I know I need to get my head straight before we talk again. I owe that to him to figure out what I want.
“Care?” Tatum snaps in front of my face, pulling me from my fog. “You okay?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m good.” I plaster on the best fake smile I can muster. “Just get me shots, and I’ll begreat.”
* * *
An hour and a half later,I amdrunk, and Tatum is nowhere in sight.
And I am likewayyyyymore drunk than I intended to be.
And everything feels… wobbly.
And I have to pee, like right. Now.
“Tate?” I look around for my roommate, but in doing so, the entire room spins so badly that I reach out to steady myself on the wall just as another person bumps into me, almost sending me sprawling to the floor.
“Sorry,” the stranger mutters in passing, and I scoff.
Yeah, thanks for the apology, dick.
God, my head is spinning. I think I drowned my sorrows a littletoomuch tonight. I bring my hand to my head to try and stop the room from spinning around me. I feel like I’m floating on top of my body, and I can’t seem to get my bearings.
Where the hell is Tate?
Finally, I make it down the less crowded hallway and fling open a door. Not the bathroom. Damnit.
