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The scowl on her face ruined any pretense of that. “William! Have you seen this?” She held up her phone and thrust it in her husband’s face.
He squinted at it, but it was so close to his nose he had to move back and take the phone from her hand. “No? What? An opinion poll?”
“Worse. A penis party.”
I raised one eyebrow.
William stopped trying to make sense of the phone and focused on his wife instead. “Excuse me? A what now?”
“A penis party! That whore at the strip club is hosting a penis party!”
My ears pricked up at the mention of strip club. She had to be talking about Eve, though the word whore set me on edge. Eve was no whore. Even if I had sort of unintentionally accused her of being one the last time we’d seen each other. Heat crept up the back of my neck at the memory of her naked in front of me, hips swaying softly…
William let out a long-suffering sigh. “Why would I care about that?”
Laura shoved the phone in his face once more. “Because it’s a Pin the Penis on the Politician party, and after your little showdown the other week, which politician do you think she’ll use?”
Dylan let out a snort of laughter, and both his parents spun in his direction.
It was good they’d chosen to focus on him, because it gave me a minute to wipe the amusement off my own face.
“You think that’s funny, Dylan?” Laura screeched at him. “This woman is targeting us. She’s holding this disgusting event on the same night as the fundraising dinner I’m hosting. She can’t do that!” She turned her steely gaze on me. “Can’t you do something about it?”
I took a sip of my coffee before I answered, because, man, I needed it to deal with her. “On what grounds?”
“Defamation!”
I took the phone from Laura’s hand and scrolled over the event page on Facebook, trying to hide my laughter. When I gave her back the phone, my face was schooled into something more professional. “They look like they’re just having a bit of fun to me. Could even be good advertising if you roll with it.”
“I’ll do no such thing. I want this event shut down. William! Do you see how many likes this page has? Two thousand! Mine only has twenty!”
Dylan laughed into his cereal once more.
William whirled on him. “How about I send you down there to deal with those cheap sluts? You probably should, perhaps it would man you up a bit.”
“Hey, watch your mouth,” I snapped, only to be completely drowned out by Laura’s screeches.
“William! Do not even say something like that. None of us are going anywhere near that filthy place. Officer Boston can take care of it.”
My irritation with these people was reaching beyond ‘bite my tongue’ levels. Dylan had shrunk in on himself like a little kid who’d been scolded. And I was rapidly losing my patience. “Actually, I have real police work to do, you know, when I’m not here trailing around after you. If you want to make a complaint about this, you’re going to have to go down to the station and fill out the appropriate paperwork.” If they wanted to make a complaint about Eve then that was their right, but I wasn’t going to make it easier for them. The chief was already kissing their asses. I wasn’t about to join him.
Laura glared at her husband and then at me. I was positive steam would shoot out of her ears at any minute. Not finding support in either of us, she appealed to a man seated at the table who had just casually been minding his own business throughout the entire argument. “Easton? You can’t possibly be okay with this?”
The man sighed heavily, getting to his feet. “I’m not. Will, I agree with Laura. You need to do something about this woman. You need the Saint View votes to win, and if this woman is tarnishing your name there, you need to fight back.”
Laura glared at her husband triumphantly. “I told you so! Easton is your campaign manager. You might be able to ignore me, but you shouldn’t be ignoring him.”
William raked a hand through his hair, yanking out an earbud. He focused in on Easton, still sitting calmly at the table. “You’re worried about this, too?”
“Yes, I am. I think you need to take it more seriously. Nobody in Saint View is going to vote for you if they only know your face because they spent a drunken night pinning illustrated genitals to your forehead.”
I battled back laughter again. I kind of wanted to go and high-five Eve for this idea. It probably would get her in trouble. If William reported this, the captain would send someone out there to shut it down.
But it wasn’t going to be me. Not this time.
“Well?” Laura prodded her husband. “Are you going to get it handled?”
He pinned her with a glare that silenced her instantly. “Don’t I always?”
