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And she specifically asked me to teach her how to do just that. That means she wanted the full experience. If I’m going to give it to her—and get my head together—I can’t linger.
“You good?” I ask, grabbing my pants and underwear from the floor and putting them back on.
When I sit on the edge of the bed to don my shoes, she sits up and half crawls in my lap, pressing her chest to mine. “That was amazing. Thank you.”
“I’m just glad you’ve had the chance to feel real pleasure.”
“I did.” Her brows furrow. “Why are you leaving so soon?”
The sad little note in her voice tugs at me. I resist. Logically, I know what I’m doing is right. I should go. But everything inside me says otherwise. Some part of me is worried that leaving is a big mistake.
Yeah, your dick. She wants you to stay because she wants more of that. She’s not really intoyou.
I try my best to shove down my rising emotions. I have to get the fuck out of here.
“After the sex, usually the guy—me—would leave, and you’d never see me again.”
She withdraws to the bed next to me, taking all her warmth with her and using the sheet to cover up every exposed inch she can. “Right. Because it doesn’t mean anything. Got it.”
A pang of guilt hits me like a semi as I stand. This is for the best. I have nothing to feel bad about. I gave her what she asked for. But that all seems like excuses. She sounds gutted, and there’s nothing I want more than to spend the night beside her. Hell, inside her.
“That’s the way it works.” I turn to her and paste on a fake smile.
“I’ll get used to that with practice.”
Why doesn’t she just fucking stab me? “You will.”
She nods and looks away. We really have nothing left to say. The preplanned speech I was going to give her about showering me off the minute I left and not rubbing two thoughts about me together again? I can’t say it. I can’t bring myself to. I should. It would be wise…
Instead, I stand. Stare. Why is it so difficult for me to leave? It’s not like I’ll never see her again.
“I guess I’ll see you on Monday?” she murmurs.
I force a half smile. “Yeah. Monday. Sleep well.” I hesitate, fighting with myself one last time. Stay or go? Finally, I clear my throat. “Be sure to lock the door behind me.”
“I will.”
Clenching my fists, I leave her bedroom, refusing to look back. I find my shirt on the kitchen floor and slam my way out the door. As I drive through the dark, I can’t help but replay that whole night in my mind. The things I did. The things I wished I did. The things I want to do to her again…and again. The regret that I didn’t. And the fear that, if I keep thinking like this, I’ll never be able to let her go when the time comes.
Chapter Seven
Monday, May 16
Kiera
“You did it, didn’t you?” Kami almost squeals as she walks into the kitchen with a knowing smile across her face.
“What do you mean?” I play coy as I sit at the table eating my cereal.
“Girl, I may have just gotten back late last night, but you can’t fool me. You’re in a happy mood, your skin is glowing, and you’ve got that grin on your face. You totally fucked him.”
I try not to, but I feel myself blush. “Is it that obvious?”
After three sexless years, Jonathan was exactly what I needed. The utter toe-curling bliss was like nothing I’ve ever felt before and everything I imagined. Memories of Friday night left me giddy. The rest of the weekend, I felt so relaxed, like all my tension had melted away. But as Monday approached, I started wondering what it would be like once I saw him again.
Don’t make it awkward. He said it would only be awkward if you made it that way…
“Only because I know you. I’m so happy you finally got that screaming O.”
