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But is there a chance he’s right?
Since I’m a hopeless romantic, maybe.
Ugh. How can I prove to him this is right for me if he won’t give me a chance? Better yet, how can I prove it to myself? And what if I can’t help getting emotionally attached?
The more I think about this arrangement, the more tangled it feels. I have never done anything bold or reckless in my life—and it shows. Jonathan must see me as a little girl in way over her head. Maybe I still am, but how can I grow up if he won’t let me?
Should I go back to the drawing board? Did my fumble fingers pick the wrong guy? I mean, just because I’m attracted to him and he’s a manwhore doesn’t mean he’s automatically the best candidate.
Who else do you know who’s even half as hot and half as experienced?
No one.
Say I call Jonathan off. Will anything in my life change? Nope. I’ll keep waiting for Prince Charming like a fool.Besides, I’ll never get another chance with Jonathan Knight. And no other man excites me the way he does.
Since he only sees me as his assistant, I might as well make the most of this opportunity. Yes, he’s handsome and hot as sin. That’s obvious. But that’s as far as my crush needs to go. If there’s anything that work gossip has told me, it’s that he’s heartbreak on two legs. Of course, I wouldn’t be foolish to even think this could turn into anything long-term.
I drain the tub and wrap myself in a robe when I hear a knock on the door of my adjoining bedroom.
“It’s open.”
“Knock, knock.” Kami opens the door. My cats, Jalapeño and Sriracha, scamper in with her, meowing for attention. Concern lines my best friend’s face as she sinks onto my bed and absently scratches Jalapeño behind the ears. “Oh, hon. You’re home early, and you’ve been crying. Your date with Jonathan Knight didn’t go well?”
I sit beside her and pet a mewing Sriracha. “It did and it didn’t. And it wasn’t a date. It was a meetup.”
While we cater to my felines’ demands for love, I tell her about my time with him.
After I finish, both cats pass out on my comforter, and she nods. “I understand his reasoning.”
I gape at her. “You’re seriously siding with him?”
“Cool your heels, hon. Let me explain. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been like Sandy fromGreaseabout love, hopelessly devoted to it. So for you to let a man like him inside your body and try to act like it’s not a big deal is a tall order. Because I care about you, I’m worried you might get hurt. I respect him for worrying about the same thing.”
“But you’re the one who helped me come up with this. Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
“Because I never dreamed you’d proposition your boss. I thought you’d find some nice guy at the library or the grocery store. Instead, you picked up the equivalent of a tiger at a strip club.”
“It was an accident,” I groan.
But Kami and Jonathan might be right. My inexperience with one-night stands could betray me. I could get hurt. I could wind up with regrets I don’t know how to live with.
“I know,” she commiserates. “It is what it is. So…what is Jonathan Knight like outside of work?”
“He’s…kind of different.”
“How?”
“Definitely more laid back than office Jonathan. He’s still straightforward and sharp and all that stuff, but more relaxed. But just like the boss we’ve come to know, he’s very blunt yet approachable. Mature, insightful, and interesting, too. I’m pretty sure any other guy who accepted my proposition would have taken me straight to bed. He didn’t. Instead, he put my emotional well-being first.” And as upset as I’ve been, I kind of respect him for that.
“A manwhore with morals. I’m liking this guy more and more.”
“I want to do this. I really do, but how can I convince him I’ll be okay if he won’t give me a chance?”
“Keep your focus and your interactions on what you need from him.”
“Right. Screaming O’s.”
“Yes. He’s a playboy, not marriage material. Don’t forget that. Men like him are not built to be loving boyfriends or husbands. And for god’s sake, remember there’s a difference between making love and sex. You can fall in love with the fucking, but don’t fall for the man giving it to you. If you go in remembering all that, you’ll be okay.”
