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“No, you don’t have to do that.”
“I want to do that. It’s in here somewhere, we just can’t see it at the moment.”
“Well, thank you—and I need to get back to my office too. I know Brooke is waiting to hear how things went today.”
“I’m sure she’s already heard that you won and also heard about the drama that happened. Word travels fast around these parts.”
“Noted.”
“Do you wanna walk out of here together?” I asked.
“Sure. I’ll be back in professional mode as soon as we make it to the hallway.”
“Me too.”
I grabbed my briefcase off the defense table, and then Stevie and I made our way out of the courtroom. When our elevator arrived, I was happy to see that it was empty. I was about to be alone again with my lover. It didn’t matter that it was only going to be for about sixty seconds.
After stepping into the private space together, we kept our distance until the doors closed. Once they were, I had Stevie back in my arms and this time, I kissed her. Right before we reached the first floor, I quickly wiped off my mouth and Stevie just giggled at me.
While walking down the courthouse steps together, making sure to stay a few feet apart, I said, “I’ll see you after work with our dinner in hand.”
Stevie and I glanced over at each other, but her focus wasn’t on my eyes. It was on the front of my trousers.
“What if I want dessert first?” she asked.
“I can arrange that.”
“Wonderful. I’m ready to celebrate kicking your ass in court today by having that big cock of yours inside me again and as soon as possible.”
I was grinning from ear to ear now, and so was Stevie. We reached the sidewalk, I extended my hand to shake hers and she wrapped her fingers around mine.
“Be careful—and I’ll see you later, Sinclair,” I said.
“You be careful too, because it would kill me if anything happened toyou, Buchanan.”
The serious and caring way that she was looking at me right now made me feel like pulling her into my arms again, but we were in public. Instead, I gave her hand a quick squeeze, and we smiled at each other, said goodbye, and then went our separate ways. Six o’clock couldn’t get here fast enough.
21
#codeblue
Stevie
I WAS PULLINGinto the D.A.’s office parking lot when I noticed my cellphone screen light up, sitting on the console. Zac had texted me. As soon as I parked, I opened up his message to see a link to another song and just like before, I knew this one. It was one that I’d heard while watching the movie “Fifty Shades Darker” and I immediately liked the sound of it. I knew it was an R&B song but just didn’t know who sang it, so I opened up my Shazam app on my phone that night and got my answer: The-Dream. Then I Googled the lyrics.
Before replying to Zac’s text, I tapped on the link to the song and then began playing it through my car speakers while leaning my head back against my seat with my eyes closed. Hearing the lyrics again and visualizing the picture they painted, I felt myself getting choked up and I knew why.
The song was about two people who unexpectedly fell in love with each other, but even though they had, they both knew their relationship wasn’t going to last forever. The reason why wasn’t clear in the song, but the reason why my relationship with Zac wasn’t going to last forever was very clear. One day, my heart was going to be broken again, and it was apparent that Zac feltthe same way about his; otherwise, he wouldn’t have sent me this tragically romantic song. Despite the obvious pain on the horizon for both of us, we were in this affair together and we were in it all the way.
By the time the chorus started playing for the second time, I was wiping away my tears. The repeated two lines of “That’s what I get for loving you. Code blue,” were slaying me but I wanted to listen to them anyway because in my listening, I was allowing myself to accept that I really was falling in love with Zac and was no longer going to fight it.
Because he’d sent me the song, I couldn’t help but wonder if he was falling in love with me. Yes, Zac had told me how crazy he was about me and I’d said the same to him, but neither of us had dared to admit to anything more. If he was falling for me, I hoped he’d keep it to himself like I was going to do. We simply could not go there. We could not admit to being love-struck because if either of us did, then we’d automatically feel obligated to give more of ourselves and our time to each other. It just came with the territory of saying those three words, and feeling that obligation wasn’t part of our plan. Zac and I had agreed to that from the start.
Although I was capable of giving as much of myself and my time to him as he wanted, he wasn’t capable of reciprocating that and I never wanted him to be in the position of trying to make it happen anyway—because he would. Because that’s who he was. We were already risking so much and couldn’t afford to raise the stakes any higher than they were.
As “Code Blue” was ending, I dried my eyes and then reopened Zac’s text. I teetered back and forth about whether or not to reply to him now, since I needed to get up to my office to discuss the outcome of the Ferguson case with Brooke. It took me only a couple more seconds to decide to text Zac anyway.
Me: Hey, you. That’s another song that I know and love. How do you know it?
