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I couldn’t imagine why he was reaching out to me. Surely he knew what this contact from him was already doing to me: throwing me for an emotional loop just like it did at my dad’s funeral. It was worth it, though, just being able to see and touch Zac again—and kiss his lips. Hopefully, this unexpected contact from him was going to be worth it too.
My hands were trembling as I opened his message, then I shook my head when I saw a link to a song. I looked out at the ocean, closed my eyes, and said a prayer for the strength to make it through what I was about to do. What I had no choice but to do. And that was to listen to what Zac wanted to say to me through this song by Aquilo.
The opening line “You there, you’re better off here” instantly had me in tears because Zac knew I was in St. Croix. It went without saying that Melissa had told Brooke about my plan to come to this tropical paradise and then Brooke passed along that info to Zac. He knew I was right where I needed to be to begin healing my heart over losing my dad. I was still trying to do the same thing about Zac and me ending. Would I ever get over losing either man? No. Not completely. They would always be part of me.
When I heard the line “Funny, it takes no time to fall back down. Funny, it takes the time to get back up” it made my tears start falling like rain. I made it through to the end of the song but the last line was what slayed my heart. Through those moving lyrics, Zac asked me to ask myself where my reflection was. It used to be in him. I saw myself in him whenever I looked into his eyes. I saw our future too—but not anymore.
I turned off my phone, tossed it onto my beach towel, and then wiped off my face. I was staring out at the ocean when I noticed out of the corner of my eye some people walking the shoreline, heading in my direction. With the angle of the sunlight, I could only see their silhouettes, but when they got closer, I found myself in a state of total disbelief.
I kept sitting where I was with my heart pounding and my mind still unable to accept what I was seeing, and then the two people stopped walking. One of them squatted down and said something to the other while pointing at me—and that’s when Malcolm Buchanan saw me. He began jumping up and downon the sand and I rose to my feet. Malcolm started running toward me and then I started running toward him. As soon as we reached each other, I picked him up and hugged him to me as tightly as I could while looking over his shoulder at his daddy walking up to us. All three of us were crying and unable to say a word, but then Zac did.
“Hey, you,” he choked out.
All I could do was nod at him. He stepped up to Malcolm and me and wrapped his arms around us while we all slowly got our composure back. When Zac looked at me again, I searched his sparkling sky-blue eyes while wondering what was about to take place here on this beach.
“Stevie Grace Sinclair, it’s time for you to come back to Dallas, Texas,” Zac said, brushing his fingertips up and down my arm. “It’s just Malcolm and me now and we built a house for you. We love you and don’t wanna live without you.”
My head was spinning from not only seeing Zac and Malcolm again but also from hearing what Zac had just said. It was at the moment I heard those words come from his mouth that I realized the true meaning in the song by Aquilo. Zac wanted to tell me that I would be better off with him.
I was looking back and forth at Zac and Malcolm, still unable to speak, when Malcolm pressed his little hands against my cheeks, smiled at me, and then said, “Come home, Mommy.” I still couldn’t say anything but I already knew where I would soon be going.
58
#generations
Zac
ON THAT SUNSETevening on the island of St. Croix, when Malcolm and I surprised Stevie, I felt everything come full circle for the three of us. The goodness of life had returned and so had peace.
After Malcolm told Stevie to come home with us, she didn’t say anything at first. She just kept looking back and forth at us as tears continued falling from her beautiful eyes. It was apparent that she was in shock from seeing us and also from hearing what we said. A short while later, after she, Malcolm and I went over to her beach house, Stevie was shocked again by all that I shared with her about what’d been going on in my life.
Avery had gone back to Lubbock in mid-November without saying a word to me. I just came home from work and she was gone again. Up until that time, she’d still been pushing me to reconcile with her. I didn’t know if Avery finally gave up on that happening or if she left because Justin came back into the picture. It wasn’t long after that that I found out that was exactly what had happened. Justin was back…but there was more.
Avery sent a long text message to me that told the whole story. She confessed to her longtime affair with Justin, as well asher love for him, which had been there since their days in college together. Then she told me that she was pregnant with his baby. I asked her how far along she was and she replied by telling me that she was pregnant when she came home the last time. When I read that, I realized that was why Avery had pushed me to have sex with her. Because she believed she and Justin were over for good, I was all that she had left, and if she could get me to have sex with her, then she could say the baby was mine. When I asked her the truth about that, she confessed to it also.
I went on to ask Avery if she was going to keep the baby and she said yes. Having a child with Justin and being his wife was all that she’d ever wanted. I laughed but not in a humorous way when she texted me that reply. She didn’t want my child, but she wanted Justin’s. That was Avery, though, and I wished her a lot of luck. That was also when I let her know I was filing for divorce and full custody of Malcolm.
I told her if she tried to fight me on it, I was going to put her through the wringer with all the years of evidence that I had on not only her affair but also her violence, alcoholism, and neglect of Malcolm. She couldn’t believe I’d known about her and Justin all that time, but then I reminded her that I was a Buchanan, and that underestimating me was one of her many mistakes.
There was a lull in Avery’s texting for several minutes, and then she sent: Draw up the divorce papers. I’ll sign them. I don’t want you or Malcolm or anything from the house. I just want to be free to live my life with Justin. A week later, she’d signed the papers. Malcolm and I were finally free to liveourlives, and that was when I started taking steps that I hoped would lead me back to Stevie.
Once I’d finished telling her all about Avery and our divorce, she pointed at my left hand.
“When did you get my name tattooed on your finger?” she asked.
“The same evening I came over to your house to tell you goodbye before you moved back to Austin—although I couldn’t tell you goodbye. I wanted something symbolic of my unending love for you. There’s something else you haven’t seen, though.”
I turned over my hand to show Stevie the other side of the tattoo and her lips parted in surprise.
“That’s the date we saw each other the first time. On the running trail,” she said.
“I know. That was the first door that opened for you and me. We just didn’t know it at the time.”
I glanced over at Malcolm laying on the floor in the living room, watching cartoons, then I got up from my chair at the dining room table and stepped over to Stevie sitting in hers. Then I held out my hand for her to take. She took it and slowly stood up while keeping her eyes glued to mine. Several seconds passed as we kept staring at each other, and then I reached up and held Stevie’s face in my hands. Then I kissed her. She breathed into me as I breathed into her and our bodies pressed together. It was our first kiss in total freedom to beus. There would be no more hiding anything. There would be no more holding back. And if I had anything to do with it, there wasn’t going to be any more sadness either. Only happiness and so much love.
After that kiss, Stevie and I sat back down at the dining room table, but I was still touching her. We held hands and just kept looking at each other and smiling. Then I asked her about coming home to Malcolm and me. The way she’d reacted on the beach to that invitation seemed to be a yes, although she never said the word. I needed to hear her say it—and then she did. She also told me that she loved me and I told her that I loved her too.
I had a pizza delivered for dinner and a short while later, Malcolm fell asleep on the couch. Stevie covered him with a light blanket, stroked his hair and then kissed his cheek. The way shewas with him warmed my soul so much. She needed Malcolm as much as he needed her.
