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“Because she believes Avery figured out we were having an affair and Stevie is afraid that Avery is gonna file for divorce from me now and also joint custody of Malcolm. She told me to work things out with Avery, all to save my son.”
“Holy fucking shit, Zac.”
I sighed and looked up at the sky. “I’m in Bossier City at the Margaritaville Casino, I’m drunk, I’ve lost my ass gambling and I need you here. Will you drive over?”
“I’m on my way. Don’t go anywhere.”
50
#lettinggo
Stevie
IT HAD BEENtwo weeks since I was held hostage by Mr. Ferguson and twelve days since I’d ended my relationship with Zac. I was at work, sitting at my desk, and it felt like the walls were closing in around me. I’d been handling everything rather well but could tell now that it was all catching up with me—and quickly. I wouldn’t be able to hide the trauma of what Mr. Ferguson had done to me for much longer, nor the shattered state of my heart after bringing my love affair with Zac to a necessary close.
He and I had passed each other three times in the courthouse hallways last week and twice during the prior one. That first time, he tried to talk to me but I just kept walking, and it was so hard to do. The second time, he stared at me with tears in his eyes but that was it. After seeing him that way, I hurried down the hallway to the women’s restroom and locked myself in one of the stalls while trying not to hyperventilate.
Last week, on the other three occasions, Zac just looked angry when I saw him. No more hurt. Just a storm raging in his beautiful blue eyes. He didn’t try to say anything to me on those days, but if he only knew how close I’d come to saying somethingto him on the last one. I wanted to tell him again how sorry I was that things had to be this way. I also wanted to tell him again that I loved him, but I knew it’d only add fuel to the fire of his anger.
I took a deep breath, stood up from my desk, grabbed my purse and briefcase, and then left for the Dallas courthouse. The second C.P.S. case that I was opposing Zac on was set to start in an hour. I needed to get going not only due to the horrendous traffic in this congested city but also due to the fact that I needed the drive time to prepare myself for coming face-to-face with Zac again. But not only that. On this occasion, we were going to have to speak to each other. Several times.
As I was walking down the main hallway in the D.A.’s office, though, Brooke caught up with me.
“Will you come to talk to me for a minute?” she asked.
“Okay.”
In her office, she closed the door behind us.
“Stevie, I know I’ve asked you this a hundred times in the past two weeks, but can you handle this with Zac today?”
I cleared my throat. “Yes.”
“That doesn’t sound like a true yes. It sounds like you’re about to come unraveled. You’re trembling all over.”
“I’ll be fine, Brooke. I just need to get this day over with. Once it’s done, I won’t have to have any more contact with Zac. I know we’ll cross paths again at the courthouse but we won’t be legally fighting each other. I don’t have to say a word to him or even look at him.”
“But you want to, don’t you?”
I stared down at the floor. Then Brooke lifted my chin back up with her finger.
“Joan of Arc, you are so strong, but you’re also deeply wounded from everything that’s happened to you. You need to lay down your sword. It’s not too late. Your case can be rescheduled and I can assign someone else to it.”
“No. I’ve already told you that I finish what I start—just like with my relationship with Zac. He asked me to be his lover, but it didn’t start until I told him yes. My mistake. Now I need to go.”
Brooke stepped aside and I left her office, wanting to run down the rest of the hallway instead of walk. I didn’t, though. I kept my professional composure intact.
While driving over to the courthouse, I wondered if Brooke was going to sneak into the back of the courtroom. I wouldn’t be surprised if she did that again. I knew she was really worried about me, as well as Zac. She had talked to me several times about my ending my relationship with him and I had no doubt she’d talked to Zac about it too.
When I explained to Brooke why I’d called it quits with Zac, she sounded like he did, telling me that she didn’t believe Avery was going to do a thing, legally. I still wasn’t willing to take the gamble of remaining in the picture, and all because of sweet Malcolm Buchanan. I’d lost my son in the worst possible way and didn’t want Zac to come remotely close to feeling the kind of pain that I still felt from missing my little boy.
I was on my way up to the sixth floor of the courthouse, standing at the back, behind everyone else, when the elevator stopped at the third. As soon as the doors opened, I saw Zac standing there and he looked straight at me. He sighed and then stepped on, but he stayed far away from me. It hurt, too. I wanted him to stand beside me again. I wanted him to steal another kiss from me and hold my hand like he’d done before. That was wasn’t going to happen, though. Not ever again.
As some people were getting off the elevator at the sixth floor, I stood back and waited for Zac to go ahead of me. I knew he needed to get off here too. But he didn’t move. When the doors started to close, I pushed the button to open them again and then waited for Zac once more. He still didn’t move, so Ifinally looked over at him and he had his eyes on me. I didn’t see anger in them this time. Only love.
When Zac motioned for me to walk ahead of him, I did, hurrying down the hallway. He kept up with me and when we reached the courtroom door, he placed his hand against it and then looked into my eyes. I watched him canvass my face, stop at my lips, and then meet my gaze again. I thought Zac was going to say something to me but he didn’t. He opened the door and we walked into the courtroom.
After Judge Mike Smith’s court was called into session, Zac and I began presenting our sides of the case. It was identical to the Ferguson case with its circumstances of repeated drug use by the parents, plus their neglect and abuse of their little boy. The parents had been given two prior chances to clean up their lives and blew it. Today, I was going to do all I could to make sure the mother didn’t get a third one. She was on the stand now and it was my turn to question her.
