Page 198 of Ocean of Stars


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We both grew quiet. The silence between us was deafening and I listened to it until I couldn’t anymore.

“If we’re really over, then tell me to my face. Look me in the eyes and say it,” I whispered.

Stevie glanced down at the water, then met my blurry gaze again. “We’re really over, Zac, and it’s killing me. It is the right thing to do, though. Actually, the right thing for us to have done was to have never gotten involved with each other.”

“You cannot possibly mean that after all that we’ve shared.”

“But I do mean it.”

“Then say it again. Tell me that we’re really over again too. Hell, go ahead and tell me that you never loved me because it sure feels that way.”

“Zac…”

“Fuck it!”

I tossed my cellphone and keys into the grass, then dove into the water with all my clothes on. As soon as I swam up to Stevie, I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight against me.

“Stop it, Zac! Stop it!” she screamed while trying to break away. Then she got an arm free and started hitting me everywhere she could and also kicking me with her legs beneath the water.

“Hit and kick me all you want, Stevie! I’m never letting you go!”

We were both crying so hard and finally—Stevie stopped fighting me and wrapped her arms around my neck, holding me as tight as I was still holding her. I swam us over to the shallow end of the pool and then carried Stevie over to the steps where I sat down and just held her in my lap. After a couple of minutes, we’d calmed down and somewhat collected ourselves, then Stevie lifted her head off my shoulder and looked at me.

“Take me to bed. Please. I need you, Zac,” she breathed out.

I didn’t say a word. I just picked up Stevie and carried her into her bedroom. After I took off her bikini, she peeled all my wet clothes off my body and then we laid down together on her bed. For the next hour, we loved each other in every way we knew how. We did it while crying again, smiling through our tears.

It wasn’t until after we’d worn ourselves completely out and Stevie was lying in my arms with her head on my chest that she told me that we still had to end us. I immediately sat up and stared at her in disbelief. Although we hadn’t discussed our relationship again, to me, it seemed understood that we weren’t over due to what we’d just done together in bed.

“What did we just do here, Stevie?” I asked, pointing down at the mattress.

“What we’ve always done so damn well. It was what we both needed.”

“No. You just led me to believe you were still in this. That our relationship wasn’t over.”

Stevie got up out of her bed, put on her robe, and then turned around to look at me.

“Selfishly, I wanted to be with you one last time because I wanted the memory. I will always love you, Zac,” she said, breaking down again. “Go save your marriage. Go save your son.”

I got up out of Stevie’s bed and put back on my wet clothes. I didn’t say another word to her before leaving her house. I couldn’t. All I could do was throw up—as soon as I reached her front yard. Then I drove around Dallas for a while and ended up heading east down Interstate-20 and didn’t stop until I reached Bossier City, Louisiana.

I decided to go to the Margaritaville Resort Casino even though my running shoes were still wet and my t-shirt, shorts, and briefs were still a little damp. I didn’t care and I knew that no one else would either.

As I was pulling into the parking lot, I laughed seeing all the tropical décor on the building. It reminded me of Stevie. I hadn’t even considered it because my mind and my heart were so fucked up but I didn’t feel like driving to a different casino so I stayed at this one.

I went straight to the blackjack tables, sat down at one, and placed my bet. When a cocktail waitress walked by, I ordered a gin and tonic with extra lime. After having four more, plus losing every bet I’d placed, I stepped away from the table and then walked outside to call Bash.

“Stevie ended our relationship,” I said as soon as he answered his phone.

“What?”

“Stevie and I are over.”

“When did that happen?”

“It started last night and carried over into this morning.”

“Why did she end things?”

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