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“Go talk to her. I know you’re hurting—but Kat’s a grown woman. She can understand, that’s all I mean. You don’t want regrets over things you didn’t do.”
I grip my glass tightly. “Youchoseto walk away from Brice, right?”
“It didn’t feel like a choice at the time. It felt like Ihadto do it, like I think you feel right now.”
“It was still a choice. But thisisn’tmy choice. My grandfather forced this on me. He told Kat the truth and Kat walked out and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”
“We all make a thousand little choices all the time, Ford. You can choose to go talk to her.”
“I can’t.”
“Are you sure about that? You could call—”
“She blocked my number, and yes, I know I could get a different one, but what will that accomplish? Let it go, Carmine.”
He looks at me sadly. “I’d say the same to you, but I doubt you can.”
I get myself a refill and wish I’d never let Carmine and Brice up here. But then again, I’ve been stewing in my own misery for long enough and even though Carmine doesn’t understand what I’m going through, it’s still nice to have humans around that care about me for once.
We sit down to eat in the dining room. Carmine tells stories about the mob life and Brice adds her own color, bringing down Carmine a bit when he gets a little too full of himself, propping him up when he doesn’t give himself enough credit, and watching the two of them work together is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen. They’re always like this, supporting each other even if they don’t always agree about everything the other says, and it only makes me miss Kat that much more.
“You’re impressive, Brice,” I say when we’re finished. “That was the best meal I’ve had in a while.”
“Based on your refrigerator, it seems like it was theonlymeal you’ve had in a while.” She grins at me and waves her fork in the air. “But you’re welcome.”
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m surviving.” I hold my glass to my lips and savor the dark bite of the whiskey.
“Surviving isn’t always enough, you know,” Brice says and leans toward me. “What are you going to do?”
“He’s going to sit around and feel sorry for himself,” Carmine says.
Brice kicks him under the table and he curses. “Seriously, Ford,” she presses. “What are you going to do?”
I put my drink down and spread my hands. “What is there for me now? Riley’s officially taking over the family. Grandpopannounced it yesterday and now everyone knows I’ve been pushed aside.”
Carmine glances at Brice. “We heard. Listen, brother—”
“It’s fine,” I say quickly before he can apologize. I’m sick of hearing the wordsI’m sorrycome out of his fucking face. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine,” Brice says. “You’re a mess.”
“What do you two want from me?” I glare at them and push my chair back. “It’s beendays. You think I should be out there finding a new Katherine or something?”
“I think you should be out there findingKatherine,” Brice says.
I shake my head and walk away from the table. My heart’s racing, and I don’t want to be rude to her after she cooked me a nice meal. She has my best interests at heart, she and Carmine both do, but I can’t take this bullshit. They don’t know how bad it was, they weren’t there, they don’t understand Katherine like I do. They can’t see how this betrayal played into all her worst fears and how fucked up it all was.
I hate myself for how it went down, and I bet she feels the same.
“You still care about her, brother.” Carmine’s voice follows me as I lean against the kitchen counter.
I shake my head and refill my drink. Whiskey splashes onto the marble. “What’s it fucking matter?”
“That’s the only thing that matters. You really care about her. Maybe that shit started off the wrong way but it changed and now you care. You can’t let that go.”
“I can’t force her to forgive me.”
“No, you can’t, but you can at least do something to prove how you feel.”
