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“Mom,” I say and have to force myself not to start crying. I’m so relieved she’s still alive it’s almost painful. “Where are you? Why did you leave the clinic? Tell me where you are and I’ll come get you right now.”
“Ah, sweetie, look. I love you so much, I really do, and you know how your mom is. She’s a total mess, right?” Her voice is low and distant and nervous, and my hope turns sour. I know what’s coming next and I wish she wouldn’t do it. “But I gotta ask for money.”
“Mom,” I say sharply. “You have to be kidding.”
“I know you’re mad. I really don’t even blame you. But, honey, I owe some people some a lot of cash and they’re not very nice people. I need it, please, I really need some money.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “Mom, I don’t have anything to give you.”
“Ford. Ask Ford. He’s got so much money, he won’t even notice—”
“Ford and I split up.”
A short pause. “Honey, what thefuckwere you thinking, walking out on that man? He was your golden ticket! That rich bastard was going to keep us afloat for years! Or did you do something fucking stupid to get yourself dumped? You wouldn’t give that man anything to keep him happy? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
I squeeze my eyes shut as anger flares through me. “Can you please stop? Just stop it, okay? Ford was using me, Mom. It was always fake.”
She laughs and I can imagine the look on her face. Her eyes must be glassy, her face drooping. “He was using you and you were using him too! Or I thought you were, since I thought you were smart, but maybe I was wrong.”
“Stop it,” I say sharply. Mom can be mean when she’s desperate and high, and I know she’s going to say something she’ll apologize for later, and I want to skip the whole cycle of hurt and forgiveness this time if I can manage it. “It was all some complicated revenge scheme his grandfather came up with to getat our family. He was using me to hurt the Stocktons. To hurt Grandfather.”
She lets out a long breath. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I thought you had a good thing going. Really, baby, you should’ve let him screw over your grandfather, that old bastard deserves it. I really thought you had something good for once.”
“I did too, Mom.”
“Doesn’t change anything for me though. I need money, honey. Maybe you can talk to your grandfather—”
“No,” I say sharply, almost pleading. “I’m not home. I haven’t been back since—since I left Ford.”
“Well, honey, go back. I can wait a little while, but not forever, okay?”
“Where are you? Tell me where you are and maybe I can do something.” Like drive over and drag her back to rehab.
“Sorry, honey, can’t do that. I’ll call again soon, okay? I love you, hon. Go home and talk to your grandfather for me, I really need it.” She hangs up and the line goes dead.
I put my drink down, and Tina’s staring at me with pity and horror in her eyes. I hate that look, but I can’t blame her for it. She doesn’t have the best relationship with her family but compared to this it must seem likeThe Brady Bunch.
“You okay?” she asks.
I shake my head as tears fall down my face. “She’s high and asking for money again.”
“Oh, fuck, Kat. I’m so sorry.” She gets up and comes over and wraps her arms around me. “I hate that this is happening to you.”
I cry. It’s pathetic and I can’t help myself. I cry into her shoulder and hate myself for letting my life get to this point. I took a risk with Ford and I thought it could work out, but now I see that I’ll only ever be a punching bag at best. If I want to help my mother, I need to give up on this stupid idea of getting away from my family.
They’ll always own me and I’ll always be nothing to them.
“It’s okay,” I say and pull back, wiping my face. “I’m a mess, I’m so sorry.”
“Hon, if anyone can be a mess right now, it’s you. What are you going to do?”
“I have to go back,” I whisper and pull myself away from her.
I down my wine in a few gulps and stand there staring at the counter and my phone willing them to do something for me, but they won’t—nothing ever does.
My mother’s off somewhere getting high and buying drugs from people that would happily kill her if she doesn’t pay them, and I have to make a choice. Let her live with her bad decisions or go back to my family and save her life again.
There’s no real option here.
