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Except, as I stepped closer to the bed, the person lying there was nothing like the vibrant woman I remembered.
Her thin arms stretched over her pillow; thick blue veins embossed her wrists. Her once thick coppery hair was thin and white and cropped nearly as short as mine.
But when she opened her eyes, I could not deny their familiarity. I’d looked into them so many times. Wished they’d stare at me the way my mother once had. But they never did.
“Ryan,” her voice wavered, and her throat convulsed. “Is that you? Or am I dreaming?”
“If you were dreaming, it’d be more like a nightmare, I’d imagine.”
She shook her head. “No. It would be a dream. A much-beloved dream.”
This woman didn’t sound like my aunt. I wondered if she was experiencing a bout of dementia or if the drugs had affected her memory.
The woman pushed a chair next to the bed. “Take a seat. I’ll just take a break while you two catch up.”
She must have read the room and felt it best to leave.
Smart woman.
“I prayed you would come.” She raised her arm and pushed herself to sit up.
“Just hold on,” I said and pressed the button at the bottom of her bed so that she could sit comfortably.
“Thank you,” she said and smiled. “How are you?”
“Oh, you know, much better now that I’m no longer living with you or my uncle.” I cringed at my harsh words but didn’t take them back. I became a child once again in her presence, and that wasn’t a good look.
“I guess I deserve that.” Her lips turned up at the ends. It wasn’t exactly a smile, but it wasn’t her usual scowl, either.
“You do, but I still shouldn’t have said it.”
Her eyes pleaded with me to come closer, but I remained a couple of feet from the bed. “There’s already been too much left unsaid, Ryan. Let’s not hold back from one another.”
Filling up my lungs with a large inhale, I responded, “All right.”
She nodded. “I’m glad you came. Colton has paid for my bills, but I never imagined any one of you would come, although I should have expected you.”
Colton was paying for this? I looked around again. It wasn’t exactly the lap of luxury, but she didn’t want for anything. It was more than I’d done for her.
“Why should you have expected me?” I asked, looking at the photographs on her dresser. There was one of my uncle. Pompous asshole. And another of me and my brothers. It was taken before my parents died. My mother likely had sent it to her inside a Christmas card. My aunt and uncle never took a photograph of us. They had probably wished we’d never existed.
“You were always the one who was there for me.”
I nodded, not exactly pleased by that statement. It made me look like the more foolish one.
“Yeah, I was the idiot that believed if I kept you happy, you’d love us. That if I kept your secrets, you would… you would hug us. It was stupid. I know that now.”
“I’m so sorry, Ryan.” She moved her arm slightly.
I put up my hand. “I’m not here for apologies.”
“Then why are you here?” she asked, fixing her white blanket.
I didn’t know. What had Colton called it?
Closure.
“I want to get the memories of you out of my head. I want to replace them with something else. Something that doesn’t make me feel so stupid.”
