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“Because they remind you of the motels.”
He whirls around, his eyes are so dark now that the blue seems all but extinguished. “There you go again, assuming I have the same demons in my head that Adrian did.”
“Don’t you?”
He bristles visibly, and for the first time, I start to realize that maybe those walls of his aren’t as impenetrable as I first thought. The more time I spend with him, the easier it is to see the shades of his past. They’re taking on color now. Coming to life.
He abandons his assault on the bed, leaving one side tucked in and the other crudely ravished. “You can take the master,” he grunts.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He must’ve expected an argument, because he freezes for a second before exhaling and relaxing. Those broad shoulders come down from where they’re pinned up by his ears. The muscles smooth out.
I wonder what other cracks there are in his foundation. I want to strip him and inspect him inch by inch in pursuit of them. I’ve seen him shirtless before, but it was from the window of my bedroom on the second floor. I wasn’t nearly close enough to notice birthmarks, tattoos, freckles and scars. The things that tell his story.
And I’m curious.
Are you now?
I actually flinch at the sound of Adrian’s voice in my ear. Sometimes, it’s so clear that he might as well be standing right next to me.
“What’s wrong?” Kolya asks.
“Nothing.”
He frowns. “You should get some rest.”
“I don’t need rest,” I say quickly—but only because I don’t want to be alone.
He hesitates, then starts to make for the door.
I find myself pivoting in his direction. “Kolya?”
He stops at the threshold, his hand on the knob, and arches his brow.
“Adrian used to do that, too,” I whisper. “Pull out the bedsheets so they weren’t tucked in so tight. He said seeing a perfectly made bed felt too sterile for him.”
Kolya’s expression is back to being coldly apathetic. But this time, I can see past the mask of indifference. That’s all it is—a mask.
“Is it the same for you?” I ask. I must sound like an idiot. Only an idiot would try to peel back the layers of a man who’s made it clear that he’s not interested in being exposed.
“Take a nap,” he says, but his tone isn’t as harsh as it was before. “When you wake up, we’ll go out.”
He snaps the door shut, leaving me with a curious sensation in my belly. I should ask where we’ll go, what we’ll do, what the future holds for him and for me and for all of us ensnared in this fucked-up nightmare.
But I don’t.
It’s enough that wherever we’re going, he’ll be with me.
Pathetic,Adrian scoffs.
“I know,” I say with a sigh. “I know.”
28
JUNE
“A hike?” I repeat, incredulous.
