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Why am I separating myself from Adrian? Is it a threat to her? A warning to me? Or is it just a reminder that there are lines we cannot cross?
Because she’s got my brother’s baby in her belly.
And I have my erection pressed between her thighs.
I stare down at her lost hazel eyes, and I see in them all the complex, twisted grief she’s been carrying around with her since Adrian’s death. I’m a selfish fuck. Always have been. But right now, all I want to do is be selfless enough to make her forget she ever loved my brother.
Maybe that is why I kiss her.
To show her that there is another way.
21
JUNE
His kiss is every bit as aggressive as he is. Powerful. Overwhelming. All-consuming.
The water rinses away everything that could stop this, including my own judgment. In here, it’s like I can wash away my old skin and take on a new one.
I half-expect to hear Adrian’s voice in my head, scorning me for my impulsivity, cursing me for my betrayal, ridiculing me as a whore, a cheater, a tramp.
But in here, I can’t hear his voice. In here, I can’t hear anything other than the steady beat of water and the sighs flowing from Kolya’s lips.
Maybe I’m a sucker for pain. I chose Adrian, after all. And now, here I am, throwing myself at the other brother. The Uvarov sibling with all the influence, all the wealth—and all the tools to ruin my life.
I know all that. God knows he’s told me as much and backed up his words plenty of time already.
And yet even in the light of that knowledge, I wind my tongue against his, my fingers raking at his wet shirt, desperate to pull it off him.
When he pulls his lips from mine, I barely see his face before it lands on my neck. His teeth nip at the nape before sliding down to my collarbone. He pulls my strap off my shoulder, freeing my breast, and sucks my nipple into his mouth.
My back arches involuntarily. One of his huge hands paws my hip, pinning me against the wall. The other strokes against my belly, feather-light, as if to remind us both of what lies between us.
His fingers run down my stomach, down between my thighs. He teases and taunts as the water keeps on pouring relentlessly around us. When he finally finds my clit, it tears a heaving breath out of me.
“Oh God…” I gasp. “Kolya…”
And when his fingers slip inside me, I cry out, pain mingling with the pleasure, until the former recedes completely, leaving me with nothing but pure desire coursing through my tired body.
The ache in my ankle is virtually nonexistent now. I can only focus on so many things at once, and so maybe I should let this happen, if only so I can forget about all the pains I’ve been carrying around with me for so long now.
Our intertwined hands knock over a bottle of something on the recessed shelf behind me. It breaks on the floor at our feet and the scent of honey and hibiscus fills my nostrils.
I bury myself against him and push my hips forward, inviting his fingers in deeper. I want to rip away his shirt, but I can’t seem to make my fingers cooperate.
I close my eyes as Kolya’s fingers steal more of my resolve, my self-respect, my hope that I’ll ever be able to walk away from this gilded prison with my head held high. When he pulls them away for a moment, I’m heartbroken.
Until he replaces them with his hard length, and just like that, I can no longer speak.
The stream of water comes down over my face, rendering me blind for a moment. I don’t mind, though. It’s enough to feel him, to smell him.
It’s enough not to feel so empty for once.
On the heels of that thought is horror. I tell myself that it’s okay to want those things. I’m fucking my dead boyfriend’s brother, but if it’s either that or lose myself to madness, that’s okay, right?
Maybe that’s a shitty explanation, I don’t know. All I know is that it makes sense right now, against the heat of our bodies and the cacophony of the water.
I wrap an arm around Kolya’s neck to cling onto for dear life and angle my face up to the ceiling. I can’t see anything but steam. Swirling clouds of mist and heat that hold endless hollow promises.
